The 5 stages of Grief...

I'm kicking it up a notch today folks!! You read it right! When I have been wronged, I go through all of the grieving stages that we learned about in 11th grade health if you were paying attention. And since I desperately wanted to be wearing an honors medal at my high school graduation I was diligently taking notes in that class while everyone else was contemplating lunch at Mexicalli Express vs. Burgerville. In any case, to refresh your memory the stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. For the last 2 days I have been plowing through these trying desperately to get to "acceptance" because that is the place where I have nothing left to lose. And I have always believed that, although painful, it's only when you have nothing left to lose that the real work begins. It also happens to be when you are a very dangerous opponent. Well I'm there folks and it feels AWESOME!

I'll fulfill your curiosity and tell you right now that I am very fortunate that my issue in no way involves the health of myself or anyone around me. It's strictly one of those bumps in life that is out of my control, but will take hours of energy to correct. Want to know what it is? I'm an open book so I'll tell you :) I am being charged $830 for "unreturned equipment" by Frontier Communications (the new owner of Verizon Fios television)! Do I really owe this? No! Every piece of equipment was, in fact, returned. My grandmother in Heaven (God rest her soul) would tell you with Jesus by her side that this is the most fraudulent charge she has ever seen in her life. And seeing as she worked in a hospital which the Mecca for billing errors and malpractice suits....I can assure you that her words would mean more than an average passer by. Ahhhh....Grandma Madeleine. You raised a few fire-pistol women who raised a few more. Will I take this sitting down? Maybe "Step 1" Jenny would. But "Step 5" Jenny (the one with nothing to lose) has fire in her eyes, time on her side, and a point to prove. Are you ready Frontier Communications??? BRING. IT. ON.

$830? A gigantic corporation thinks they are going to stick it to the little guy and get them to pony up $830? You're barking up the wrong tree my friends! I may be the height of a sapling, but if anyone is going to get $830 it's going to be those who help you see the light and wish you had reversed the charges during my first phone call! That's right.....tit for tat my friend. How much time and how many resources do you want to spend trying to get me to write you a check you will never see? After 3 hours on the phone yesterday (where I effectively sent their supervisors on a wild goose chase for fun) I'll bet I'm up into the $500-$600 worth of damage already by employee time wasted alone. My favorite was when the unfortunate supervisor assigned to my case had no answer when I asked the name and address for his company's General Council. "Mrs. Schultz, I would have to interrupt our General Manager during a meeting to get that information." My answer? "I'll wait." And I did...

He also tried to convince me that he couldn't hand out random credits because of "Sarbanes Oxley" laws. Oh no, you didn't just try and pull out accounting speak with me, did you Mr. Frontier Communications?! He told me they might get audited. Well guess what buddy....I happen to be married to an accountant and am very aware that you might also get audited and have to explain why you have random spare equipment in your warehouse that you have in no way accounted for (where I am sure my equipment is). Do you have a way around that Mr. Frontier? I bet you do! His response was "That would be the inverse of this problem." Were you not paying attention Mr. Frontier? I said I took notes in high school! I don't need a re-cap on mathematical terminology. But I'll give you a pass because I bet you were excited to use a big word.

I any case, I am in limbo now having been asked to wait 3 days to see if they can resolve this issue for me without having to escalate it to a means outside of Frontier's control (ie...I start waiving the big guns). It took every fiber of my being to hang up that phone with this still unresolved and graciously allow them the time requested. I don't handle waiting very well. My mom had to remind me that even Jesus's followers had to wait three days for him to rise from the dead. She told me that was probably considerably harder than waiting for a phone call from Frontier. Gotta love a mom who slips a Bible lesson in at every opportunity! Oh how I wish I had her skill!

When we were little she even had this gigantic picture of Jesus hanging in our living room. While most moms were merely wondering if their kids were lying to them, my mom pulled out this little jewel of speech to keep us honest:

"Jenny, I don't care if you lie to me. I'm just your mom and it's your instinct to hide the truth at times. But what you tell God....that's between you and Him. So right now, why don't you stand in front of that picture and tell God what you just told me."

I've never lied to that picture! Not once. Not EVER. It's still hanging in her house too....

I wonder if I could fed-ex it to Frontier? I bet they would fail the honesty test. I'll keep you all updated as to whether or not my charge is cleared. But I am fully prepared for the next step if it is not. And on the extreme off chance they ever see the money from me....I hope they like unwrapping rolls of pennies.