Ding Ding Ding....It All Makes Sense!

Just so you know, you all let me down.....hard!  I thought that writing about my earthquake fear would be therapeutic and that I would get email after email from friends telling me that I am embarrassing myself in a public forum with complete and utter nonsense!  Instead I got emails, phone calls, texts, and posts offering me Xanax from secret stashes and countless people admitting that they too had cleared out some garage shelves for drinking water and flashlights.  But you all couldn't leave it there...could you?  No, No, No....you just couldn't! You had to take it one step farther with little quips like this:

"I'm not scared of earthquakes, but.....
  (a) I'm afraid of biological terrorist attacks on our drinking water"
  (b) I'm afraid of nuclear waste leaking into the Pacific Ocean"
  (c) I'm afraid of domestic shootings and bank robberies"
  (d) I'm afraid of Grey's Anatomy doing another Musical Episode"

Okay, I made that last one up.  It is actually a true fear though!  (Side note: Really?  Eight melancholy songs with an upbeat "make-out" melody tossed in the middle? That made it past focus groups and ABC executives???)  Regardless, I did learn a few things from this whole mini-anxiety attack.  You might want to write these down:

1. At the beach? Feel an earthquake?  High ground people.....get to high ground!! Why isn't this paired with "Stop, Drop, and Roll" as a child for us coastal state residents?  I could have died playing Fascination in Seaside trying to win a key chain up until this point in my life when Channel 8 decided to cram fear down our throats for 2 straight week post Japanese tragedy!

2. You all now need to think twice before leaving your purses and/or bags unguarded in my presence.  I wasn't aware that most of you are in possession of such fine mood enhancers!  I've always bragged that I surround myself with happy, positive, and uplifting individuals!  Ding, Ding, Ding...it all makes sense now!

3. Do NOT under ANY circumstance watch the show "It Could Happen Tomorrow" unless you have a drug toting friend who really is dumb enough to leave their purse unguarded in your presence. Don't think you won't sink that low after this mega-depressor!  After watching this show for 2 hours straight I developed my own conspiracy theory that the head producer is actually a commissioned anxiety drug salesman. Job well done, sir! You've been promoted....

In any case, I didn't mean for this blog to be about earthquakes, but I thought I should at least give a mini-update as to my sanity level. (Insert your obligatory joke about how I was never sane in the first place...good one!)  I actually meant for this blog to be about another issue I have encountered in my daily life: jean hoarding!

I discovered this horrific personal trait while cleaning out my closet yesterday. Important to note - I didn't say "jean addict," I said "jean hoarding."  You see, a jean addict is someone who spends a little too much time doing retail therapy at The Buckle.  A jean hoarder is someone who never throws away any jeans on the very slight off chance that some day (a) I might be that thin again (b) I might be that heavy again (c) high-waisted denim might come back into style (almost there!!) or (d) I will use a pair as "painting pants".  I am so embarrassed that I found about 15 pairs of random old jeans tucked in the back of my closet!  Seriously, if I ever lost all the photos of my twenties I could have pulled those things out for an equally reminiscent jaunt down memory lane.  After trying every pair on (some too tight - boo!, some too loose - yey, but all equally heinous and time warped) I finally found the courage to put most of them in a Goodwill bag.  Even that felt wrong though! Part of me wondered if it should be federally mandated that I burn them in the same way that they require that expired car seats be destroyed!? I cringe at the thought of another 5 footer picking a pair of these up for $5.99 while all I get is a tiny tax write off and a lost opportunity to compare my current body to my college body.  Shut up...you know you do it too! :) Right?!?!  C'mon.....right?!  Just me?!   

***Not my actual jeans, but it felt more official with a picture***