I'm getting an early start this morning!
But before I begin wasting your time with what has become my virtual dumping ground for all things that should remain private to those who posses common sense, I just want to stop and say thank you for all of your very kind comments about my blog. I am in no way a writer! That was established in the 8th grade when I spent 5th period writing (using the term loosely here) for the school newspaper and was only ever trusted to be the editor of the "song dedication" section. Can you guess how hard it was to be in charge of the "song dedication" section? Well let's just say it's about as difficult as playing the outfield in T-Ball. (And I know this because I spent two years there making daisy chains unaware that pint-sizes game were even going on!) I mean, all that was required for my writing assignment was that I checked the song dedication box kept in the school library, screen submissions for profanity, and type them accurately before the deadline. And seeing as we only had 4 issues a year...well, you get the picture. In any case, you are all very sweet and I admire your dedication to procrastination by means of reading my blog as much as I detest my dedication to procrastination by means of writing my blog.
So..... It's almost Thanksgiving!! This is a special holiday for me in that I am not usually invited to participate in the food preparation for reasons that can be easily assumed if you've ever read the very literal title on the top of this page. It's like an entire day dedicated to giving me a break! And for that....I am thankful. I'm also thankful that it means my husband will be home for a long weekend! I bet you think it's because I love him and miss him and value our time together? Well I could say that, but then I would be giving into the very human instinct to disguise my real reasons with obligatory statements that might somehow make me feel like I am confirming to you that my marriage is still amazing! So I will instead just skip straight to honesty and tell you that before we start building holiday memories by holding hands around the Thanksgiving table, I need him to do some serious work around the house! Well that, and I love him, and miss him, and value our time together. (Can't fight instinct!)
More specifically, I need him to fix our kitchen window. Sometime during the monsoon in the last few days our window started leaking. Normally when these things happen I just ignore it like it's a "man problem" that doesn't concern me the same way he would ignore if I had autumn scented hand soap out during spring time. Men and women...different worlds, different priorities! But seeing as I thought that he had already attempted to fix the window (he hadn't) and it was still leaking I started to get a little more concerned than usual. I do want to clarify that Luke is incredibly handy! He works on our own cars, he can do minor remodels, and every picture frame in this house is hung to my exact standards. He's also crafty with ideas and solutions! This one time when I took him to meet some old college friends, he even successfully helped devise a system to inflate a kiddie pool with a leaf blower, duct tape, and a straw! (Side note - I probably shouldn't brag about any project that ends with your host saying, "I need to clean up this garage before my father-in-law sees how we did this.") In fact, because of Luke's proven skills, when things go wrong with his handy work, I get a little worried. I even had to corner him about fixing the window a full day before the long weekend started!
So last night, just barely out of his work clothes, he was outside in the downpour double checking the seals and waterproofing our window once again. I felt so bad as I stared at him from a very warm and very dry kitchen while he worked for nearly 45 minutes to remedy the leak. When he finally came in he told me that he was pretty sure he fixed it. I was trying to be supportive when I replied by telling him that I was sorry he had to be outside for so long! Then he says, "It wouldn't have taken that long except my first idea to use duct tape didn't work the way I had hoped!" Ummm.......what???????! Duct tape? That was his original solution? In all fairness when Luke gets home from work I thrust the entire weight of the household on him demanding that he watch the kids and give me a half hour to regain my sanity. And I have a hard time breaking this pattern even if Luke has additional responsibilities that require him to be outside in heavy rain, the man is a Saint...trust me! Anyway, our conversation when a little like this:
Me: Duct tape?
Him: Yeah....it was pretty smart, I built a ledge so the water would travel over the window.
Me: Duct tape?
Him: Jenny, it's not a big deal!
Me: Duct tape?
Him: Jenny! It was never intended to be a permanent solution.....unless it worked.
I'm kind of being an awful wife right now because I am writing about the 1% of the time where I really question his judgment while I never take the opportunity write about the 99% of the time he successfully fixes problems that are mostly created by me. Someday I'll give him a guest pass to take over my blog and he can tell you all of my shortfalls and begin to even the score out. I'm guessing he could start with the day that I closed the garage door on myself breaking the car antennae off while he very sweetly acted as though it could happen to anyone! That's actually the least of my offenses.....
Until that day, I hope you all have a wonderful wonderful Thanksgiving!
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Thursday, November 17, 2011
"Guess My Weight" and Other Bad Party Games...
Is it me, or is November flying by? I truly did not even realize that Thanksgiving was next week until I stopped by a harvest-decorated Safeway this morning for an energy drink, a bag of chips, and some turkey-jerky. Now I'm not denying that there may have been a time in my life that this could have been my breakfast of choice (dorm room memories come flashing back), but that was long ago when my metabolism was a little faster, my good-judgment was a little slower, and I could buy anything with a student-ID card at a campus store. 10 years later, my body doesn't forgive me in quite the same manner for eating meals made out of a hot-pot. So just in case you're curious, the chips are for a monthly dinner club where I am only ever trusted to bring the one appetizer I have managed to master (chicken dip with chips), and the turkey-jerky is for Emery's preschool Harvest Party where my tardiness in dropping him off left me the last option on the contribution sign-up list. Apparently you have to be early if you want to bring apple slices or crackers, who knew?
The energy drink actually was for me! I don't drink them very often, but in preparation for all the holiday-eating heading my way, I've amped up my workout program and needed a little artificial kick-start to get in gear. Of course, it's not hard to "amp up" your program when your normal routine consists of waiting for the perfect time of day to break out your Jillian Michael's DVD knowing full well that (between kids and cleaning) that time only comes at 10:30 pm which is also conveniently when I deserve to get some much needed rest. I mean....power walking to the mailbox would be "amping up" my workouts! Okay, it's not that bad, but really I do need to rearrange my priorities and get fitness back in front of fraternizing. And this week presented the rare chance to do just that! It was a perfect storm of motivation, opportunity and willpower!
Motivation: Truth be told, it isn't the holiday eating that brought me back to marathon elliptical sessions. It was something far worse! If you've been a reader of my blog for a while, you know I'm not particularly fond of personal trainers {read about it here}. So when my friend (name withheld) told me she was now dating a personal trainer (name also withheld), I should have been far more leery than I was! Instead I jumped at the chance to meet him over dinner where after two glasses of wine and 2 hours of asking for fitness & diet tips, he told me he can guess anyone's weight within 5 pounds. Sober Jenny would know that that statement has red flags all over it! Buzzed Jenny says, "No way! Guess me! Guess me!" So he guessed......14 pounds heavier than I really am! Keep in mind for someone 5 feet tall, 14 pounds can get into double digits for % of body weight. Translation: I can't blame it on a bulky shirt! A lesson for all of us: "Guess my weight" is NOT a good party game! Now I have 14 imaginary pounds to loose on top of all of the "real" weight and toning work that I was already dreading!
Opportunity: I'm probably one of the few people in the world that truly adores their in-laws! For real, I won the "in-law" lottery! So much in fact, that I was giddy at the prospect of moving mere blocks away from mine. There are some bonuses to this set up. Close babysitter? Check. Old fashioned home cooked meals? Check. Free basement gym loaded with toys and already baby proofed? Check! So while I was sad that they have been out of town for a couple of weeks, I jumped at the chance of claiming my rights to the most private athletic club in town where I can work out to my heart’s content while the kids watch Rio. Another lesson for all of us: 45 minutes on an elliptical is a long time. 45 minutes on an elliptical watching Rio (again) is a much muuuuuuuuch longer time.
Willpower: This is where the energy drink comes in! I don't have a lot of willpower that isn't spent on making sure my kids are safe and fed, my design work is done, and my house is clean. I'm not too proud to admit I need a little help sometimes. And in this case, my help comes in a 16 ounce double strength can. I completely forgot how much energy a RockStar can give you! The last time I drank these was in my early radio days (RIP KUFO) when they sponsored our station and we had cases and cases laying in the sales department to grab anytime we felt the urge. Truth be told, my manager actually excluded me from those allowed to drink them whenever they wanted. He (not so subtly) told me it was for the sanity of all of those in my department. I was only allowed, unfortunately, to take them home for consumption.
Regardless, I finally got my old stride back! I'm hoping it doesn't fail me anytime soon because the only back up plan I have is personal conviction and I try not to go there if I don't have to. But here is a wonderful quote that I plan on reading in case of a lack-of-motivation emergency:
The energy drink actually was for me! I don't drink them very often, but in preparation for all the holiday-eating heading my way, I've amped up my workout program and needed a little artificial kick-start to get in gear. Of course, it's not hard to "amp up" your program when your normal routine consists of waiting for the perfect time of day to break out your Jillian Michael's DVD knowing full well that (between kids and cleaning) that time only comes at 10:30 pm which is also conveniently when I deserve to get some much needed rest. I mean....power walking to the mailbox would be "amping up" my workouts! Okay, it's not that bad, but really I do need to rearrange my priorities and get fitness back in front of fraternizing. And this week presented the rare chance to do just that! It was a perfect storm of motivation, opportunity and willpower!
Motivation: Truth be told, it isn't the holiday eating that brought me back to marathon elliptical sessions. It was something far worse! If you've been a reader of my blog for a while, you know I'm not particularly fond of personal trainers {read about it here}. So when my friend (name withheld) told me she was now dating a personal trainer (name also withheld), I should have been far more leery than I was! Instead I jumped at the chance to meet him over dinner where after two glasses of wine and 2 hours of asking for fitness & diet tips, he told me he can guess anyone's weight within 5 pounds. Sober Jenny would know that that statement has red flags all over it! Buzzed Jenny says, "No way! Guess me! Guess me!" So he guessed......14 pounds heavier than I really am! Keep in mind for someone 5 feet tall, 14 pounds can get into double digits for % of body weight. Translation: I can't blame it on a bulky shirt! A lesson for all of us: "Guess my weight" is NOT a good party game! Now I have 14 imaginary pounds to loose on top of all of the "real" weight and toning work that I was already dreading!
Opportunity: I'm probably one of the few people in the world that truly adores their in-laws! For real, I won the "in-law" lottery! So much in fact, that I was giddy at the prospect of moving mere blocks away from mine. There are some bonuses to this set up. Close babysitter? Check. Old fashioned home cooked meals? Check. Free basement gym loaded with toys and already baby proofed? Check! So while I was sad that they have been out of town for a couple of weeks, I jumped at the chance of claiming my rights to the most private athletic club in town where I can work out to my heart’s content while the kids watch Rio. Another lesson for all of us: 45 minutes on an elliptical is a long time. 45 minutes on an elliptical watching Rio (again) is a much muuuuuuuuch longer time.
Willpower: This is where the energy drink comes in! I don't have a lot of willpower that isn't spent on making sure my kids are safe and fed, my design work is done, and my house is clean. I'm not too proud to admit I need a little help sometimes. And in this case, my help comes in a 16 ounce double strength can. I completely forgot how much energy a RockStar can give you! The last time I drank these was in my early radio days (RIP KUFO) when they sponsored our station and we had cases and cases laying in the sales department to grab anytime we felt the urge. Truth be told, my manager actually excluded me from those allowed to drink them whenever they wanted. He (not so subtly) told me it was for the sanity of all of those in my department. I was only allowed, unfortunately, to take them home for consumption.
Regardless, I finally got my old stride back! I'm hoping it doesn't fail me anytime soon because the only back up plan I have is personal conviction and I try not to go there if I don't have to. But here is a wonderful quote that I plan on reading in case of a lack-of-motivation emergency:
I am your constant companion. I am your greatest helper or your heaviest burden. I will push you onwards or drag you down to failure. I am completely at your command. Half the things you do, you might as well turn over to me and I'll do them quickly and correctly. I am easily managed but you must be firm with me. Show me exactly how you want something done and after a few lessons I'll do it automatically. I'm the servant of all great men and, alas, of all failures as well. Those who are great, I have made great. Those who are failures, I have made failures. You can run me for profit or run me for ruin; it makes no difference to me. Take me, train me, be firm with me and I will put the world at your feet. Be easy with me and I'll destroy you! Who am I?
I am HABIT...
Friday, November 4, 2011
I'm Going to Need More Ziplocs...
I have a riddle for you: What's three and a half feet tall and can mentally change seasons quicker than the aisles at Target can have a life-size Santa glowing alongside deeply discounted Halloween goods on November 1st? Yup.....it's Emery! And I'm assuming every other post-toddler on the planet? Or did I just unknowingly over emphasize seasonally driven consumerism in mine? I mean, this kid was asking about Christmas before he even had the goggles of his aviator costume off after a night spent collecting candy in the most labor intensive way possible; going door to door for one piece at a time. The same candy that is now safely stashed far above his line-of-sight where my husband and I can eat mini Kit-Kats to our heart's content (so long as we are willing to move some furniture to get at them.)
In any case, it's becoming a tradition in our house to spend November 1st gearing up for the,"What Christmas is really about" speech that needs to be prepped, revised, and solidified for that moment when Emery first lays eyes on the "Big Toy Book" that is bound to be in our mailbox daily from now until December 26th. Thank you Toys R' Us for that published bundle of joy! Emery takes better care of that catalog than he does his precious train collection. So as far as the hierarchy of his child-world goes, I'm guessing even Buzz Lightyear would be jealous of the instant rise to the #1 spot in his heart that this catalog commands. I would take it away from him, but this is America and that is his own little version of being sold a slice of hope. I think there might be a good lesson in watching him circle things that "Santa" intends to run out of before he ever lays foot in the Schultz household if he knows what's good for him. For instance, more than 4 batteries? Not getting it. 20+ pieces? Not getting it. Makes noise and doesn't have on "off" switch? Not getting it. Requires me to transform it? Definitely not getting it!
So naturally, you can imagine my surprise that while our house currently remains toy catalog free and a safe zone from the Christmas "I wants" for the time being, Emery still proudly announced the following statement yesterday:
"Mom.....I know the first thing I am going to ask Santa for this year!"
I was just waiting for him to drop the Lego bomb! I've been dreading that for so long because I am way too type A to comfortably make it through 4 years of collecting Legos. As it stands now, the 6 sets we already have are each separated in Ziploc bags, labeled, and stored with their appropriate instruction manual. I cannot sustain this system if we start collecting Star-Wars sets and I am required to know the difference between a Clone and a Droid. It's never going to happen! But what came out of his mouth was not "Legos" (crisis averted for now!) Instead it was.....
"I'm going to ask for a piccolo!"
Whaaaaaaaaaatttttttt????!!!!!? A piccolo? Like a mini-flute? That's it, Little Einsteins is now banned from my house! I'll buy every Star Wars Lego set known to man and invite Qui-Gon Jinn to dinner before I buy Emery a piccolo! For a moment I forgot he was 4 and wanted to shake him and say,
"Emery......5th grade band is not cool! I know you think it is because you get to miss half of geography and your friend "Amber" wants to play the flute next to you. But you haven't met the teacher! He's kind of weird, ranks you by making you sit in certain spots, checks to see if you practiced, and ultimately will ask you (after 4 months) if you can even read music or if you are just pretending? Then your parents will find out that you quit without telling them and will be livid because they spent all of this money on your piccolo and never even got to see you perform at an assembly! If you want to be in music, wait until high school where you can join choir, follow the kid next to you, take extra field trips during the year, and get an A for doing it! Work smarter, not harder kid."
Of course, none of that comes from personal experience....
In any case, I kind of feel like the season has officially begun! I obviously need to dust off my, "Jesus is the reason for the Season" speech and try and squeeze in Thanksgiving, but I'd be lying if I didn't say that this is easily my favorite time of the year!
Have a great weekend!!
In any case, it's becoming a tradition in our house to spend November 1st gearing up for the,"What Christmas is really about" speech that needs to be prepped, revised, and solidified for that moment when Emery first lays eyes on the "Big Toy Book" that is bound to be in our mailbox daily from now until December 26th. Thank you Toys R' Us for that published bundle of joy! Emery takes better care of that catalog than he does his precious train collection. So as far as the hierarchy of his child-world goes, I'm guessing even Buzz Lightyear would be jealous of the instant rise to the #1 spot in his heart that this catalog commands. I would take it away from him, but this is America and that is his own little version of being sold a slice of hope. I think there might be a good lesson in watching him circle things that "Santa" intends to run out of before he ever lays foot in the Schultz household if he knows what's good for him. For instance, more than 4 batteries? Not getting it. 20+ pieces? Not getting it. Makes noise and doesn't have on "off" switch? Not getting it. Requires me to transform it? Definitely not getting it!
So naturally, you can imagine my surprise that while our house currently remains toy catalog free and a safe zone from the Christmas "I wants" for the time being, Emery still proudly announced the following statement yesterday:
"Mom.....I know the first thing I am going to ask Santa for this year!"
I was just waiting for him to drop the Lego bomb! I've been dreading that for so long because I am way too type A to comfortably make it through 4 years of collecting Legos. As it stands now, the 6 sets we already have are each separated in Ziploc bags, labeled, and stored with their appropriate instruction manual. I cannot sustain this system if we start collecting Star-Wars sets and I am required to know the difference between a Clone and a Droid. It's never going to happen! But what came out of his mouth was not "Legos" (crisis averted for now!) Instead it was.....
"I'm going to ask for a piccolo!"
Whaaaaaaaaaatttttttt????!!!!!? A piccolo? Like a mini-flute? That's it, Little Einsteins is now banned from my house! I'll buy every Star Wars Lego set known to man and invite Qui-Gon Jinn to dinner before I buy Emery a piccolo! For a moment I forgot he was 4 and wanted to shake him and say,
"Emery......5th grade band is not cool! I know you think it is because you get to miss half of geography and your friend "Amber" wants to play the flute next to you. But you haven't met the teacher! He's kind of weird, ranks you by making you sit in certain spots, checks to see if you practiced, and ultimately will ask you (after 4 months) if you can even read music or if you are just pretending? Then your parents will find out that you quit without telling them and will be livid because they spent all of this money on your piccolo and never even got to see you perform at an assembly! If you want to be in music, wait until high school where you can join choir, follow the kid next to you, take extra field trips during the year, and get an A for doing it! Work smarter, not harder kid."
Of course, none of that comes from personal experience....
In any case, I kind of feel like the season has officially begun! I obviously need to dust off my, "Jesus is the reason for the Season" speech and try and squeeze in Thanksgiving, but I'd be lying if I didn't say that this is easily my favorite time of the year!
Have a great weekend!!
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| This is the only picture I have them from Halloween Night. He's not looking and she's cramming a hot dog in her face. It's a framer! |
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