Tuesday, February 28, 2012

That Last Hour....

CAT UPDATE:  They're alive! I finally sunk to the extreme low of taking pictures of random cats throughout the neighborhood and emailing "Cary" a lineup asking that she identify which were hers.   When I eventually got confirmation, I properly introduced myself to "Hancock" and "Chica" (who had indeed been outside) and allowed them back into their much warmer house.  And how do they repay me for all of my hard work?  One guess?  Anyone? The little started throwing up....everywhere.

Other than that, we're settling into our tax season lull where Luke and I spend every night arguing over whether it's worse to be working away from the kids 80 hours a week or worse to be alone with them for that same amount of time.  We usually agree it's a draw. I'll tell you, it does not matter if I am MADLY in love with my children 79 of those hours and feel Heaven's blessing pouring down on me while experiencing extreme gratitude that God would let me be with them for all of their daily milestones!  That last hour.....that last hour... you know what I'm talking about, right?  That last hour where you are sure your neighbors are going to call CPS and you're going to be left explaining to some social worker why your child is half naked in timeout with finger paint in their hair screaming, "I'll never love you again mommy....NEVER!!!!!!!" in a house where the clean laundry pile looks much like the dirty laundry pile and you're zoned out watching some questionable show on ID Discovery. Been there?  Or is that just me?

Anyway, in an effort to divert my attention away from how awful this time of year is for us, I've been planning a vacation to act as my light at the end of the tunnel! The only problem with this is that I'm a woman and we plan vacations like they're weddings!  We have checklists of details that only get more complicated the more time we have to plan.  Given the months I have, I'm not just pricing the big things like airfare and hotel....I have full-on found myself looking at images of food available at restaurants in the vicinity thinking, "I should write down that I want to try that!" I'm not talking about steak dinners here, I'm talking about things like Churros and Carmel Apples because this is the year we're going to Disneyland! Do you know that there are entire websites of people who post pictures of Disneyland food?  Is it weirder that they take and post pictures or weirder that I somehow found that site, browsed it, and am openly admitting it to you now?  I'd say that's another draw....

The biggest dilemma in planning a Disney vacation is that Emery has no idea what Disneyland is!  We did take him to Disneyworld when he was 20 months old, but other than a few pictures of him in his obligatory Mickey ears in front of the castle, it's nothing he really remembers.  So now I need to figure out how to get him completely pumped about going while simultaneously breaking his heart and making him think we're not going so I don't have to listen to two months of, "Is it time yet?"  Talk about a roller coaster!  For example, up until now, he's been begging to go to the Great Wolf Lodge (it's the only kid oriented place he really remembers so it's the default winner) and I asked him how he would feel if we went to Disneyland instead?  He cried. I mean CRIED!!  That was one of those hours.

To combat this I bought him the Disneyland Kinect Adventures game to introduce him to the concept of Disneyland. (If you have a Kinect, this game is awesome!  It's a very accurate virtual Disneyland game).  It worked!!  Now he doesn't want to go anywhere except Disneyland!  Unfortunately, in the meantime I grew even more determined to make the trip somewhat of a surprise so when he asked if we could go to Disneyland I said, "Maybe this year we'll do the Great Wolf Lodge instead." He cried. I mean CRIED!

Yeah, I did this to myself! Why not make 80 hours/week of primary parenting just a little more frustrating to get through?  Pray for me people.....I'm my own worst enemy for sure.

Have a great Tuesday!

PS: If you think that because I admitted we're going to be out of town that I'm opening up my house to being robbed, then I offer this advice:

1. Bring an allen wrench because I'm not replacing our old Ikea furniture until my kids stop pouring milk on our couch.  Trust me, it will cost you more in gas to get here than you'll make in the craigslist market selling our Scandinavian space saving shelves!
2. "Cary" owes me a favor or two and I fully expect that their new family of four will take shifts camping out at my front door watching for suspicious activity.  In fact, asking her to do this is the next item on my checklist...

Do you think he'd had enough?  Poor kid is in a happiest-place-on-earth coma!

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

At Least Invisible Cats Make Cheap Pets!

I feel like I need to preface this entry by telling you that I adore my neighbors!!  But I am losing my mind this week!  You see, I am "cat-sitting" while they are out of town and this has been the biggest fail of my life!  Where do I even start??

When Luke and I moved to Sherwood, the thing I was most excited about was living on a cute little suburban street with other young families where Emery and Luelle could ride bikes on the sidewalks and play in the front yard.  They say you return to what you know, and that is how I grew up so naturally, it's how I wanted to raise my own children. Well we hit the neighbor jackpot over here and we've been very happy!  In particular, we have a wonderful single mom with two older children living directly next door. To protect her privacy, we'll call her "Cary."  For real, I'm thinking about having Cary raise my kids because she did an amazing job with hers!  Her high school aged son mows the lawn, takes out the garbage, and has incredible manners!  Her middle school aged daughter steals my heart every time we talk.  Maybe that's because whenever we talk she is dropping off some treat she baked and reminding me that she's almost old enough to babysit! And I loved her even more when she was going on a trip to see "America's Got Talent" and stopped by to show me her glitter, "I Love You Nick Cannon!" sign.

Anyway, "Cary" went on a Hawaiian trip about this time last year and came home sporting a rather large diamond on her ring finger. As you can imagine, her 2011 Valentine's Day proposal turned into a 2012 Valentine's Day wedding!  Aside from being very happy for her, what this means to me is that I am now tasked with watching her two cats for an entire week while she and her family are away celebrating in Mexico.  Are you still following me?  Here's the thing....I live next door, we practically share a back yard, and I have never even seen her cats and have no idea what they look like! When asked, she explained that to me by saying they were strictly indoor cats.  Then she asked me to stop by twice a day and give them each a scoop of food. Easy enough, right? The only other instructions I received were that if the little one started to throw up I need to cover the food.  People....this is why I don't own cats!!  No instructions should ever begin with, "If the little one starts throwing up...."

So here is how my week has gone thus far:

Day 1.  Not gonna lie....I forgot to feed the cats.
Day 2.  Morning- fed the cats, Evening - they didn't eat any of the morning food so I didn't have to do anything.
Day 3. Morning - cats still hadn't eaten. Evening - They still hadn't eaten.

And this is where I started to panic!  It slowly dawned on me that I had never actually seen these cats anywhere!  So this is what I am working with:
1. Don't know that cats names.
2. Don't know what the cats look like.
3. Haven't seen the cats in days....or (more accurately) ever.
4. Cats haven't eaten.
5. These are indoor cats that should never be let outside!

What am I supposed to do? Clearly I don't want to be going through people's personal spaces but of course I started an all out search in a cold, dark, empty house going, "here kitty kitty kitty...." only to scream bloody murder when I saw the shadow of what was mostly likely a serial killer lunging at me from behind a closed door.  In a spit second I knew it had to be the same thing that probably killed the invisible cats! Thank the good Lord above, it just turns out that nothing completes the room decor for a 12 year old girl like a life-size Justin Beiber cutout lurking amongst a sea of stuffed animals. (Sidenote: Hey!  We have the same taste in music!)

As you can guess....I still haven't found those cats and am starting to think I am either completely nuts....or my neighbor is!  And I just had to send probably the most awkwardly worded email of my entire life that went a little something like this:

"Hey Cary! Sorry to bother you on your wedding day, but are you sure there are real cats inside your house?  Is there any chance you let them out on accident and can you describe them in detail to me?  I don't want you to stress...I'm sure they'll turn up, I just want to make sure that they get their food.  Again, please don't spend your wedding day worried about this....but is there any chance someone took your cats and didn't tell you? Congratulations!!!"

I bet you thought this story would have a more satisfying end?  Nope! At this point I'm contemplating adopting two strays, leaving them inside and then being all like, "Wait....those ones aren't yours?! How was Mexico?"  Anyone have a better plan? 

Happy Valentine's Day!