8:58 AM

How did your day start? Mine started like this: "How does the defendant plead?"

I should rewind. It didn't really start that way at all. It actually started bright and early with me waiting patiently in the Municipal Court parking lot for the clock to hit 8:58am. You see, my summons was for 9:00am and as a type-A traffic court virgin I wanted to be exactly on time. But while walking up to the courthouse all smug inside about my perfectly timed entrance, I realized that all those minutes I wasted playing iPod Solitaire while waiting for 8:58 were going to cost me dearly! Hello long line!! And full of varsity offenders who mostly knew each other by name nonetheless. Now I'm no expert....but if you're waiving hi to the deputy in the corner, chances are you need to rethink your life goals.

After I checked in I scanned the room looking for a friendly face. In a sea of Newberg Carhartt wearers (no offense...it's a solid brand), I spotted one! A nice looking young lady who was obviously a first timer like myself. I sat down near her and she whispers, "cute boots" to me. See Jenny, I thought, this isn't so bad...you're not the only one who didn't have to inform a parole officer about today's meeting. Then she says,"Don't worry, it goes fast and it's worth your time. I always appear!" Duped!! She was varsity too!! And not only was she varsity, she the very first one called up and pleaded "not guilty" requesting that a trial date be set. This was small-town big leagues!

Because I was one of the last to check in I had the pleasure of hearing what every person in the room was cited for. Let's be honest....we were all sizing each other up anyway wondering what horrible offense the other had committed. At very least my natural curiosity would be fulfilled. These are the things I highly suggest you don't do in Newberg: Speed-racing, open containers, failure to use turn signal when switching lanes, running a yellow light, driving with expired insurance, not adhering to a payment plan for previous offenses, driving with an international license, unlawful left hand turns, and (I'll add my own to the list) parking in front of someone's driveway.

My favorite, by far, was the man who was cited for speed racing. He said he was pulled over because the officer saw sparks coming from his low-rider truck as it bottomed out which made him look like he was going faster than he actually was. (Genius defense!) Then the judge grilled him with a list of his previous offenses: 90 in a 55, 80 in a 55, 75 in a 55, 55 in a 30. This wasn't looking good for Mr. Carhartt's wearing speed-racer. How does he respond? "Those were on my street racing bike, Your Honor. This was in my truck which I was not speed-racing." Good sell buddy!

Finally it was my turn. How did I plead? I didn't really plead anything! The judge asked me what happened and all I said was, "It was an honest mistake sir, I'm sorry." Presto! Like that a $50 citation turned into a $15 slap on the hand. $15......that's it! I would have PAID $15 to park in such a prime spot to begin with! Or paid $15 to watch the crazy court shenanigans I had just witnessed. I practically skipped out of that court room dreaming of all the fun I would have with my extra $35. Then I saw the payment window line...

A full hour and a swipe of the debit card later, I was out and on my way. I did miss the playgroup potluck while waiting in that line, but my Rice Krispie treats were a bust anyway truth be told. Check them out:

They say the best cooks have an organized kitchen!

(For my fellow AGD's....Yes that is a squirrel nutcracker in the background!
I got it in a white elephant on a fluke...but it was meant to be.)


Hmmm....maybe plan B wasn't a bad idea after all!