Where Does Santa Want to Go to College?

Okay, it's been awhile since I've done a blog post and no...it's not because I am fading. There is actually one very specific reason I have not blogged. I'll let you guess why. Motherhood? Nope. Holiday shopping? Nope. Sick Kids? Nope. Working? Nope. I can see you're never going to guess so I'm just going to tell you. It's because of the game "Bejeweled." You know how it's always the small things that creep into your life and grow unnoticed until they become all consuming and keep you up until midnight? That is what this stupid iPod app has become! Bigger than the 100 year rivalry between the Ducks and the Beavers is the quest to have the highest score on Bejeweled in my household! Now by no means is this game new to me. I've been playing it for years at work while I was supposed to be doing something more productive and Facebook was growing old. But I happened to download it into my husbands iPod the other day because I am sick of Yahtzee and needed a new waiting room time waster for all of those Well-Child visits that seem more frequent than Emery telling me he has to go potty. (Actually they are more frequent.....when will this kid understand that he needs to tell me when he has to go????) In any case, Luke somehow shoved his $1,000,000 iPod Blackjack dream aside and decided to give my little game a go. And curse him....he BEATS me every time!! He has now made it is personal goal in life to make sure I have not a single spot on the top 5 scores and he is closing in on complete success. He even caught me Googleing "How to win at Bejeweled" which by the way is a complete waste of time unless you can't figure out that 4 in a row is better than 3 in a row. So anyway...I am in Bejeweled detox now and returning to my blog is baby step 1. My name is Jenny and (this week) I am a Bejeweledaholic...

So when I have not been using the Disney Channel as a babysitter so I can figure out how to get past level 9, I have been spending the rest of my time saying things like this:

• "Emery, stop touching the tree"
• "Emery, Santa saw you do that! Leave your sister alone!"
• "Emery, Christmas trains aren't meant to haul waffles across the living room!"

You get the idea. As you can probably guess we got our Christmas tree this week! I think I need to do myself a favor and just stop building memories in my mind before they actually occur. This is what I thought getting our Christmas tree would be like:

The whole family would be bundled up in our winter coats finishing our last round of, "The 12 Days of Christmas" as we pull into a hidden away snow covered tree farm where every Noble Fir sparkles in perfection! Just as we turn the corner with Emery screaming, "That one! That one!" a stranger would offer to take a family picture of all of us in front of our gorgeous tree that would become my new Facbook profile because everyone was caught smiling perfectly and looking the same direction for once! Then Luke would saw our tree down and pick it up one handed while we follow him to the barn to pay and enjoy some delicious hot chocolate and homemade cookies. Emery would get to see Santa and declare he doesn't need anything and, in fact, wants to donate some of his toys so his parents will stop tripping on them. There would be even more postcard picture opportunities all while some high school kids tie our tree to the car for free because they want to become Eagle Scouts and they are fulfilling their community service requirements.

Here is how it really happened:

"Shoot...am I lost?" Why am I passing 9 tree farms on the way to a tree farm? "Emery....put your coat back on! Is this the right place?" Then we took Emery to see the Santa that looked A-MAZING on the internet but in real life looked more like a high school student who wanted to become an Eagle Scout and and needed to fulfill his community service requirements. Oh well, Emery's only 3 and still fooled pretty easily. Off to find the perfect tree!

Luke: "Jenny...this is going to take forever, I don't want to drag a tree for miles with you following behind me with one kid on your back and another who insists he can do everything BY HIMSELF! Can we just buy a pre-cut one?"

Me: "Sure. Whatever. How about that one" (pointing to literally the closest thing to Santa's barn)

Luke: "Sold. Load her up!"

Emery: "We didn't get a tree!! Are we leaving?"

Me: "Yes we did.....go stand by it and I'll take a picture"

Emery: "That is our tree laying on the ground?"

Me: "Go stand by it so I can get a picture!"

Saleslady: "You guys can take a picture pretending to cut it down if you want...."

Me: "Luke....go kneel by the tree!"

Luke: "I'm not pretending to cut down a tree! We'll do pictures at home Jenny!"

Here are some shots of the Schultz Clan picking out our perfect (pre-cut) Christmas Tree:

"Ho, Ho, Ho little boy! Seniors 2011!"

Santa was a little too busy to decorate the tree next to him? Maybe we could have bought it already in the stand and saved some sweat!

After all of our hard work!

Merry Christmas from our family to yours!