Friday, October 29, 2010

Curse you Baja Fresh!

I am really procrastinating right now. My playroom is a mess and I should be cleaning it! What is it about a messy playroom at nap time that drives me nuts? I know the kids are just going to come right back down and pour all 42 bins out looking for a pint-size Spiderman in a matter of minutes. I hate that stupid Spiderman. I would throw it away if Emery didn't have a mental inventory of his entire superhero collection. They crammed 42 moving parts into a three inch toy. And even better, each piece is sort of removable. They're not meant to be removed.....but there sure isn't much preventing it either. Thank you Hasbro for this well thought out, totally overpriced (because it is "licensed") piece of playtime joy! My son is convinced the head is really a hat and likes to pull it off and put it on over and over and over. Even that wouldn't bother me if I didn't have a 9 month old who has Spiderman tiny-head radar. She tracks that thing down like a heat seeking missile and looks at it with a hunger the way I looked at liquid cheese 9 months pregnant. Every time I can't find that tiny head I break out into a panic imagining a bodiless Spiderman staring back at me on an x-ray.* At least our deductible is already met this year...

Before I started writing this blog entry, I was going to unload the dishwasher as a more productive version of playroom duty procrastination. But I stopped because I found another small nuisance that plagues my every days. Am I the only woman in America who is married to someone who thinks that Baja Fresh cups are somehow superior to actual glassware? I've approached Luke about our 10 strong collection of these gigantic plastic cups a few times. He keeps telling me, "Babe.....99 cent refills for LIFE!" I might be crazy, but I can't recall a time when the two of us marched in there (cups in hand) demanding cheap refills let alone a time we thought about bringing 8 friends along. Does he realize that I can purchase an entire 2-liter for 99 cents? Luke....IT'S NOT A GOOD DEAL! And it's REALLY not a good deal when you keep purchasing a new cup every time! Also, they don't fit in our dishwasher very well and I'm not about doing dishes by hand. Furthermore, when guests come over and they see your gigantic plastic cup collection next to my entire KUFO pint glass set (acquired during one of my earlier internships) they start to wonder what kind of people we are.

Okay, I really should clean. This weekend is going to be busy so I won't have time to do it later. Also, after my husband reads this it might soften the blow if I can follow it up with, "but the house looks awesome, right?"

Something funny if you're bored: My sister Sarah just sent this to me and I randomly saw it earlier this week. But it's worth a repost - thanks Sarah!
Why Teacher's Drink

*(For the literal crowd.....I obviously am very very cautious that Lu doesn't get to the Spiderman toy. You can save your call to CPS)

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

8:58 AM

How did your day start? Mine started like this: "How does the defendant plead?"

I should rewind. It didn't really start that way at all. It actually started bright and early with me waiting patiently in the Municipal Court parking lot for the clock to hit 8:58am. You see, my summons was for 9:00am and as a type-A traffic court virgin I wanted to be
exactly on time. But while walking up to the courthouse all smug inside about my perfectly timed entrance, I realized that all those minutes I wasted playing iPod Solitaire while waiting for 8:58 were going to cost me dearly! Hello long line!! And full of varsity offenders who mostly knew each other by name nonetheless. Now I'm no expert....but if you're waiving hi to the deputy in the corner, chances are you need to rethink your life goals.

After I checked in I scanned the room looking for a friendly face. In a sea of Newberg Carhartt wearers (no's a solid brand), I spotted one! A nice looking young lady who was obviously a first timer like myself. I sat down near her and she whispers, "cute boots" to me. See Jenny, I thought, this isn't so're not the only one who didn't have to inform a parole officer about today's meeting. Then she says,"Don't worry, it goes fast and it's worth your time. I always appear!" Duped!! She was varsity too!! And not only was she varsity, she the very first one called up and pleaded "not guilty" requesting that a trial date be set. This was small-town big leagues!

Because I was one of the last to check in I had the pleasure of hearing what every person in the room was cited for. Let's be honest....we were all sizing each other up anyway wondering what horrible offense the other had committed. At very least my natural curiosity would be fulfilled. These are the things I highly suggest you don't do in Newberg: Speed-racing, open containers, failure to use turn signal when switching lanes, running a yellow light, driving with expired insurance, not adhering to a payment plan for previous offenses, driving with an international license, unlawful left hand turns, and (I'll add my own to the list) parking in front of someone's driveway.

My favorite, by far, was the man who was cited for speed racing. He said he was pulled over because the officer saw sparks coming from his low-rider truck as it bottomed out which made him look like he was going faster than he actually was. (Genius defense!) Then the judge grilled him with a list of his previous offenses: 90 in a 55, 80 in a 55, 75 in a 55, 55 in a 30. This wasn't looking good for Mr. Carhartt's wearing speed-racer. How does he respond? "Those were on my street racing bike, Your Honor. This was in my truck which I was not speed-racing." Good sell buddy!

Finally it was my turn. How did I plead? I didn't really plead anything! The judge asked me what happened and all I said was, "It was an honest mistake sir, I'm sorry." Presto! Like that a $50 citation turned into a $15 slap on the hand. $15......that's it! I would have PAID $15 to park in such a prime spot to begin with! Or paid $15 to watch the crazy court shenanigans I had just witnessed. I practically skipped out of that court room dreaming of all the fun I would have with my extra $35. Then I saw the payment window line...

A full hour and a swipe of the debit card later, I was out and on my way. I did miss the playgroup potluck while waiting in that line, but my Rice Krispie treats were a bust anyway truth be told. Check them out:

They say the best cooks have an organized kitchen!

(For my fellow AGD's....Yes that is a squirrel nutcracker in the background!
I got it in a white elephant on a fluke...but it was meant to be.)

Hmmm....maybe plan B wasn't a bad idea after all!

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Guilty vs. No Contest?

I'm not feeling great today so I'm sorry if I don't have the same "up attitude" I had last week. I'm not sick....just not all here. I'm actually typing this in my favorite cozy "Budweiser: King of Beers" sweatshirt which is my go-to on days like this. I know at this point you're wondering if I'm a lush and the answer is no. I happen to have gotten this sweatshirt at the Tampa Busch Gardens when it started pouring in the middle of our day of fun. It turns out the only thing they sell at Busch Gardens is Busch branded gear so I acquired this lovely outerwear for the bargain price of $35 (it went well with my $7 soda). It never fails that I am wearing this when a new neighbor decides to stop by or the Jehovah's Witnesses decide to put up camp on my front porch. Now that I think about it....this sweatshirt has never brought me any luck.

It's probably a good thing I am saving my energy today, because it is the beginning of Halloween Week! My dry-erase calendar is jam packed with Harvest Festivals, Halloween Parties, and other events with fall themed names that directly correlate to how PC the host is. I don't really care what you call the party, I just need to know if the kids are supposed to wear a costume. Because if I forget the costume at a "wear costumes" party or if I dress Emery in his costume at a "don't wear costumes" party....I am in DEEP mom trouble! Those 3 year self esteems are fragile! It would take a few suckers and a trip to Toys R' Us to repair that kind of damage on short notice and in time for the next event.

Emery's Newberg playgroup is having a potluck Halloween party tomorrow morning to kick the week off. Normally, right about now, I have my eyes fixated on the word "potluck" in complete terror. Just this last weekend, for example, I went to a small gathering of some of my best friends and it too was a potluck. I'm fortunate enough that I have 20+ years history with this particular group so I don't have to pretend that I had some genius idea for what to contribute. Instead I called "Amber" from the grocery store at T minus 2 hours until the party and asked her what she thought I should bring. I love that her game plan for the situation started with the clever instructions, "Go to the frozen food section." "That's funny "Amber!" Where exactly do you think I am calling you from? I'm staring at Toquitos as we speak." I digress...

Like I said, normally I would be worried about the potluck portion of tomorrow's festivities but I have bigger fish to fry in the city of Newberg tomorrow. I have traffic court! That's right I am going to physically appear for a "blocking a driveway" parking violation. I'm not sure at exactly what point I thought it would be a good idea to appear instead of just to pay the fine (actually I remember, it started with the words "fine cut in half") but whether I want to or not I'm locked into it at this point. So coincidentally, also in the morning, I get to see my tax dollars hard at work in the great Newberg Municipal Court. Wait...I don't live in Newberg so it's not really my taxes hard at work. Actually...I don't work so it doesn't matter what city we're in it's not technically my tax dollars ever.

I've never been to court! Up until this point in my life I've cried my way out of everything. Not on purpose...I'm just a nervous crier and it has served me well! As I understand it I have the option to plead "guilty" or "no contest." I have no idea what the difference is. I'm in good company though because I have asked at least a dozen intelligent people to explain this to me and no one seems to completely understand. Why can't there just be an option that says, "I plead guilty but in my defense the homeowner should have mowed their driveway so I could see that the cars were used for transportation and not as lawn decoration."

Since I'm not in a humorous mood today, I thought I would link you to a funny article or something. But I don't have time or energy to research one because I have to unwrap a whole bunch of Rice Krispie treats and put them on a plate for tomorrow. (Kidding people...that's only plan B)

Friday, October 22, 2010

Who didn't love Weird Science?

It's going to be a fantastic Friday! I even optimistically started the day by putting on my workout clothes so I would be ready to do a Jillian Michaels video the very second an opportunity presented itself. If you're also a mom, then you know the moment I am talking about. It's when the toys are all in their respective cubbies, the dishes are put away, both kids are napping, the laundry is all clean, the mindless blog is written, the garage has been organized, a Goodwill run has been made, and the spare room has finally been painted. Then, Jillian, it's just you and me!

I love Jillian. Do you know why? Because she isn't irritating. And because when she starts to get irritating, I can just mute her or quit all together and go right back to my Costco sized bag of Halloween Candy.
I actually used to go the gym all of the time like the rest of the pre-kid world. But after having Emery, I started to realize just how much going to the gym is not a mom-friendly task. My first lesson in this was 3 weeks to the day after becoming a mother.

My husband (for the first time since becoming parents) was brave enough to watch the baby alone and told me I was welcome to leave. So I slapped on whatever workout clothes fit at the time. (Sidenote: Can we offer Sainthood to the person who invented black stretchy workout pants for women and made them acceptable?) I marched into 24 Hour Fitness ready to roll and hopped on my good friend the elliptical right in front of the only TV not playing ESPN. But what should appear in the corner of my eye trying desperately to get my attention despite the fact I am wearing "do not disturb me" headphones? An overly eager trainer who in retrospect probably had my due date written on his personal calendar. "I see you're back at the gym. What are your goals? Do you want to lose all of that mom-weight?" Yep....he actually said this! I should mention I had never in my life met this man before, but it's obvious he preys on the vulnerable and stakes his claim weeks in advance. I asked him his name. "Chet," he says. Then he follows that stellar introduction with, "What are your plans for when you plateau?" I had to knock down my peddling a few intensity levels so I could say, "I'm really not interested." But this is what my mind was saying:

Okay. Here is the thing Chet - I am willing to give you 5 free points because your parents had the good sense to name you something interesting. It also happens to remind me of the fantastic 80s movie "Weird Science" so just for the heck of it, let's make it 10 points. But don't get too excited because...

1. You're chewing gum obnoxiously with your mouth open and I'm not a fan of Juicy Fruit (-1 point)

2. You are wearing a pooka shell necklace after 2002 (-10 points)
2. You are obviously single, have no sisters, and just lost a bet involving a dare because NO ONE IN THEIR RIGHT MIND would initiate a weight conversation with a woman who has given birth in the last month last year (-25 points)
4. You went for a fist bump which (never mind the logistical difficulties while I am on an elliptical) has started to make it obvious why you are also the type to like pooka shell necklaces. (-50 points)

So in a nutshell, Chet, I am not interested in your training services. And as a marketing major, I would also like to offer you some advice: If you want to sell yourself to me as an "experienced postnatal trainer" then why not make your hair glisten from hard earned perspiration instead of Suave Gel for Men. Also, please don't EVER fist bump me again! Do you not see that there are at least 8 people at the gym who are in that "do I say hi or not" gray area of my life and I do NOT want them thinking this is how I roll around town. If I want to embarrass myself, I'll save it for the reunion. Are we done? Awesome...

I'm not proud that that those were my first thoughts but in the spirit of complete honesty I can't deny that they were. I really don't make a practice of mentally ridiculing people, but Chet had me on the defense in a moment of extreme weakness. I bet Jillian would like to send all the Chets in the world a personal thank you note for helping to build her an empire.

And now that my mindless blog is written, I think I will go work on organizing the garage.

Chet's "million dollar idea"

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Why Do I Need to Sign a Waiver?

Oh. My. Lord. I cannot even explain how yesterday's pumpkin patch visit went with words that would do it justice. I should have known what kind of day it was going to be when the first thing they had us do was sign a waiver. Red flag Jenny! Red flag!! But I missed it. I'll fast forward through 2 hours of field activities and get to the part where Emery wanted to join a hay-ride tour at the very last minute. Ever the good mom, I threw my stroller to the side, grabbed the baby and the diaper bag and hopped on board with the help of my Mother-In-Law. As we started the ride I was thinking "I love fall! I love Oregon! I love pumpkins! I love corn! Wait.....why are we stopping at the corn??" I'll tell you why. Because I missed the part of the speech where they explained that you have to find the pumpkin patch through the corn maze. Thank you for that special treat Dayton, Oregon! I can't recap the whole thing because my soul is still recovering. So instead, I'll take you back to a more peaceful time - last weekend.

I'm so thankful it was beautiful because we had our annual Christmas card pictures taken! My dear friend Shannon is just starting her photography business so naturally I chose her to capture an image of the Schultz family that whisks away any notion that our life is anything less than Pottery Barn perfect. While planning for the big day (Hmmmm....traditional jeans and white shirts or do we get crazy with navy blue?!?) Shannon asked me if there was any place in particular I wanted the photos taken. "Of course there is Shannon! There's just one problem. It requires trespassing." My idealistic location is a little run down barn that I pass on the way to my house almost every day. A million times I have thought about having pictures taken there and finally a golden opportunity had presented itself!

When we arrived, Shannon was put under strict instructions to "Make it look like it came with the frame!" It was my own little way of welcoming her into the world of small business where the expectations are high and your customers know where you live if something doesn't turn out just right. As you can imagine the whole time she was clicking away I was beyond paranoid that an angry land owner was going to appear screaming, "This is private property!! Get out of here you matching white shirt & denim wearing hoodlums!" I'm kind of disappointed that it never happened because I had been preparing a speech for it all week. It went a little something like this:

"Hey Mr. XYZ Old Barn Owner, Do you even know who I am? I am Jenny from the widely read (by immediate family) blog "Jenny Can't Cook!" And if you do not stop this madness immediately, I will tell everyone including my mom, my dad, my brother, my sister, "Amber", and cousin Becky that you are the meanest person alive! And considering the fact that there exists a split second in my past
where I was wearing an OSU cheerleading uniform on U of O's campus, I can tell you that they will NOT take those words lightly coming from me! Do you really want to mess with that kind of press power? I didn't think so."

Alas, in an uneventful hour, Shannon was able to get the pictures we needed and Duck fans rightfully retained the title of "the meanest people alive." A great burden has been lifted off my shoulders and we can now joyously celebrate our Savior's birth the way the good Lord intended; by spending $90 on postage so that everyone can be reminded of what we look like. Here is a sneak preview of our little photo session:

I call this- "When you ask a 3 year old to smile"

My handsome husband
(who does not hate the Canby School District but does hate House Hunters)

If you have a second you should check out Shannon's new business!
Addi & Co Photography Blog

Addi & Co Photography on Facebook

Pretty sweet setup, huh? Almost like she has a friend who is a graphic designer. Welcome to small business Shannon! Don't give out your home phone number :)

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

It's can say it....I already know.

It's can say it....I already know. I spelled "jersey" wrong in my last post and you wondered if I noticed, right? Well if you didn't notice don't go looking now because I already changed it. Curse you auto spell checker!! I think I need to be honest and tell you that this is going to happen a lot. If you know me, you know that I talk pretty fast. Although this may be unfathomable, my mind spins even faster than that. Typing that quickly is difficult! And just to save you the surprise, I am also going to make numerous grammar and punctuation mistakes. For instance, if you've been with me from the beginning you know that I don't know how to use an "ownership apostrophe." Well, I've since been reminded that this is correctly referred to as a "possessive conjunction." Noted. That sounds vaguely familiar now that I think about it. My husband (who attended all of those high ranking Lake Oswego schools) likes to jokingly remind me that I have what he calls a "small town education." I like to jokingly remind him that my diploma has an Academic Honors sticker on it and his does not.* Nevertheless, I offer fair warning that you either get really comfortable with my mistakes, or consider becoming a reader of this blog instead:
The Grammar Gang.

Are you still with me? I knew there was a reason you were my friend!! Let's move on...

If the "Grammar Gang" isn't your thing then maybe you are like me and love to laugh! (Sidenote: I have always hated when people say, "I love to laugh." Thanks for the post from the land of the obvious! Who doesn't love to laugh?) If that's the case...I'll just keep today simple by sharing one of my favorite blogs that ironically also deals with grammar on occasion. If you haven't ever seen or heard of "Cake Wrecks" it is hil-arious!! Just the other night I was reading it while my husband was trying to go to sleep and my non stop giggling prompted him to offer this sweet sentiment: "Seriously Jenny.....the TV with House Hunters on in the background is less annoying than you laughing right now. I need to sleep because I have to work tomorrow. Not" Love you too Luke! And yes...I admit that I do love House Hunters! (That's a whole new post though...and a long one.)

I say, if you are going to offer a grammar lesson.....this is the way to do it!

Off the grammar topic, but directly relating to the link above, my dad just got a new phone. One that actually texts. Fancy that! It's 2010 and he finally got a texting phone! This might be par for the course for some dads, but mine is an IT genius and is never behind on gadgets! He even had the coveted Zach Morris brick phone when I was thirteen. $20 a minute...but worth it for the look on the guy's face in the car next to you. Can anyone help me by deciphering what he is trying to say in the following text that he sent literally 2 seconds ago?

"Have at it IT specialist that hates to text to send email 12 hours & 150 emails a day makes me HATE it. Love, Dad"

Okay dad.....What????

Ohhhh...that gives me a picture idea! How about my dad and I dancing at mine and Luke's wedding? (That's probably another incorrect possessive conjunction if you're still keeping track!) I must say, my dad is one heck of a dancer! I even caught him off guard with a fast song. I think he was kind of nervous on my wedding day because his speech started with "The bar's open!" Clearly it was dad....clearly it was.

* For the "take things literally" crowd - Luke wants me to clarify that he doesn't really have anything against the Canby Education System. I think he just wants me to say that because we are seeing so many of you Saturday night :)

Monday, October 18, 2010

JV! Should I Wear My Jersey on Thursdays?

Holy cow! Reader feedback has been amazing! Check out these rave reviews:

"Cute blog. I have to get back to work. Are you coming over for dinner?"
- My mom

"I love it! Why didn't you mention me more?"
- My sister

"I told you not to mention me!"
- "Amber"

Another quick update before we get down to business: I need to retract my comment about not paying attention to the "eye in the sky" cameras at Target. Word on the street is that Target rivals the CIA when it comes to store security. So do not, I repeat DO NOT mess with anyone sporting red and khaki! (Thanks for the tip cousin Becky)


Because today is going to be rather uneventful, I need to be honest and let you know that the only reason I am blogging is so you don't think that another blog bit the dust. Since this is my 4th post though, I'm pretty sure that graduates me from the Frosh team straight to JV in the land of blogs! I mean, my mom only made it 2 posts into her "Anita's Heart" blog before she officially hung up her computer writing pen. And if you know my mother you know that she was born to write! She once proudly showed me an article she had written in high school where she interviewed some actor for some movie that I have never heard of to which I replied, "Wow mom! I didn't know newspaper lasted this long!" Just kidding know I love you! And since your blog was mostly about your fabulous children I, for one, am starting a campaign to bring it back!!!

Other than that, all I have on my radar today is a trip to Costco which means a free lunch for Emery as long as the samples are good!* Truthfully, Emery isn't really interested in the samples. But I find that if I say loudly, "Emery, do you like this?" it keeps me from feeling obligated to listen to the speech about how the product freezes well or is significantly better for you than actual fruits and vegetables. (Sidenote: This is one of my favorite claims because I think to myself, "You're right lady! God wasn't on his A game that day!") Once, though, I accidentally used my standby "Do you like this Emery?" line before I looked at what the sample-pusher was giving away. It only took about four questionable glances from fellow mom-shoppers to make me wonder what grave mistake I had just made. Maybe I should have read the sign? Monster Energy Drink. Lesson learned.

I don't really have any great pictures that go with this story. So instead I will finish with a picture of Emery at his cousin Josiah's Birthday party this last weekend. Originally this picture also included a fireman posing at what Emery considered to be a safe distance away. I cropped him out though because it creeps me out that he looks younger than me. I guess logically it makes sense for a fireman to be young and fit. But it still disrupts the sense of security that was built when I was 8 during all those special "Stop, Drop, and Roll" assemblies. Some of the fireman I have seen lately leave me wondering if they are legally allowed to drive a car with another person in it. Speaking of fireman and cars - have you ever noticed how your Class C driver's license says you can drive any car under 26,000 pounds or any emergency vehicle operated by a firefighter? Translation - no special training required to drive those mega beast vehicles around town. Makes you think twice, huh?

* I'm starting to realize that some people take everything I write very literally. So I just want to ease any concerns and let you know that I do not, in fact, feed Emery Costco samples for lunch.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Cupcakes are so 2008....

I noticed a very funny thing happens when you start blogging. People start telling you their stories's awesome! It's like re-meeting everyone I already know! And even cooler than that, people say things like this: "Hey Jenny....if you ever write about me in your blog, refer to me as "Amber" so no one can trace it back to me." Okay, here's a tip "Amber" - this is my 3rd post. I probably have a collective readership of about 20 people - 10 of whom are my immediate family that you have known since you were 5. If I so much as mention your hair color, they are going to know who you are. And if you weren't on my blog radar yesterday, you most certainly are now so I strongly suggest that you don't do anything stupid in my presence. But since a glass of wine is pretty much a permanent fixture in your hand, the chance of you heeding my advice is slim to none. It's not looking good for you, my friend. Not looking good....

I've also started taking a more active interest in other people's blogs. I love all of the family pictures and catching up on people's lives during nap time. Even though this is a rather new interest there is one blog that I have been actively following for awhile written by a gal from my very own home town (Go Cougs!). Do you know how you watch Grey's Anatomy fully knowing there is a trauma scene coming that you will have to turn your head from, but the mind teasing storyline makes that one minute of horror completely worthwhile? That's how I feel about reading this particular blog. And Pamela Susan- I hope you don't mind me mentioning it, but it's yours.

Everyone has a friend just like Martha Stewart, right? WRONG! The correct phrase is "Everyone has a friend who thinks they are like Martha Stewart." Pamela Susan, however, is the real deal!! I bet you thought I was going to give you a link to her blog so you could see exactly what I was talking about? Well that would be plain irresponsible without the following disclaimer:

Disclaimer: Do not read this blog if you have even the tiniest insecurity about your ability as a mother, father, aunt, uncle, or grandparent!! Pamela will leave you wondering how you didn't hand carve a castle cake and cover it with home made glitter fondant between soccer practice and making dinner. And don't think that buying your kid that dream item they've been talking about forever qualifies you for mother of the year. Pamela makes her kids cute little crafts and they look happier than Emery ever did with a Take-A-Long Thomas! On the extreme off chance that you can keep up with her, then I will be the very first person in line at the book signing for your New York Times best seller that will probably be endorsed by Oprah herself.

If you are still thoroughly convinced that you have an iron clad self esteem then I invite you to also become a follower:

Did you get to the part about cake-pops? You see....cupcakes are SO 2008! Everyone who is anyone now does "cake-pops." And not only does Pamela make them...she does them in ridiculously cute shapes that anyone would feel guilty eating. I actually read this entry to her blog at my sister's house where I almost started laughing tears. I asked Tammi (my sister and a future main character to many stories) if she thought I could make cake-pops? Silence....
I said, "You're probably right. I'd be more apt to give Emery a doughnut hole on a stick."

Speaking of food on sticks, Emery got one of those giant Tootsie Roll suckers at a Harvest Party this week. I told him that he could unwrap it "later" (mom code for "never") and that right now he just needed to hold it. The below picture illustrates how I am frequently outsmarted by a three year old:

And finally, a picture of my little guy on a hayride with yes...."Amber"

Thursday, October 14, 2010


So I've been a stay-at-mom for about nine months now. I remember when I was pregnant with Lu I used to count down the days until I was able to wake up every morning and only see 2 smiling little faces instead of 30 adults trying to convince themselves that 6 doughnut holes do not equal the calories of one whole doughnut. (Or maybe that was just me? And before you go judging I refer you back to the last sentence where I said I was pregnant!) But now I look forward to any activity where can I use the restroom without an audience. Dental check up? I'm there!! I love my children, but I'm willing to bet all of you stay-at-home-mom friends are nodding your head in agreement over your second cup of coffee right about now.

More often, however, my days are filled with potty trips, park dates, and play groups. Speaking of play groups....I found Emery the most amazing new play group! It's a co-op in Newberg called Indoor Park. Ems is a rather cautious fellow so I eagerly signed up the very first day when I saw that he was able to play without looking for me every 2 seconds. This is a MIRACLE in Emery land!! In retrospect, someone should have clearly explained to me that "co-op" means you have to help out once in awhile. Whhhhaaaaaaatttt? Me help? I need help! This is the exact opposite of productive! But Emery likes it and the group of women seem to be really nice.

In a total coincidence I even went to high school with one of the other moms. We'll fast forward through our trip down memory lane and instead just focus on the fact that she now has an adorable daughter named Sophie. Sophie has the "little girl hair" I dream of Lu having someday. Straight and side swept...held perfectly in place with a feminine little hair clip. And do know what her perfect toddler hair did to me? I'll tell you what it did....It created an extreme and immediate need for tiny baby hair clips!

Actually, on my very next trip to Target I headed directly to hair accessories where I found some similar clips. I grabbed at them dreaming of a moment where Lu would be skipping through a daisy field with the sun catching the highlights on her neatly tucked back long bangs. A moment which would be made entirely possible by this purchase alone! But my heart dropped quickly when I could not locate a variety pack in which I loved
every single clip. I considered switching out a few but made a quick glance to the "eye in the sky" cameras. They're watching. They're always watching.* And $2.99?? $2.99 for some tiny ribbon clips? No thank you Target! I can make these way cheaper!!

Naturally, my very next trip was to Michael's Craft Store (sans weekly 40% off coupon....that's how immediate this need was) where I promptly bought everything it would take to make Lu her very own perfect variety pack. Checkout total: $19.95. Take that Target! I saved......wait....I saved -$16.96?! So to make a long story short, I have been up to my elbows in hot glue and ribbon trying to make Lu every hair bow/hair flower known to man. And since it seems that I have the supplies for 400 bedazzled hair accessories, I thought I would make Sophie a few too.

Thanks for the inspiration Sophie! Also, you owe me $17 :)

Yeah.....this one is a little much. It's a work in progress!

* My husband (who spent many a college years as a grocery store manager) just informed me that very few stores can afford to pay someone to watch those cameras 24 hours a day. So while I don't condone opening multiple packages of anything and switching it out so some poor sucker gets all stripes while you pack home the coveted "match anything" solids....I can at least help you feel a little less nervous about putting something back six aisles north of where you found it.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

3 Years Behind Every One Else....

All heck with Facebook!

I'm pretty sure half the people I'm friends with don't really care if Emery said something beyond hilarious this weekend. (Sidenote: I'm sad for those people. They obviously have zero idea how funny a three year old telling his his baby sister to "shake it like a Polaroid picture!" can be.) So I'll join the bandwagon and do the blog thing for the other half who have been blessed with the good sense to see why my kids far exceed the nor
mal quotient of "spectacular." Of course I'll agree that you must have serious talent-radar to notice the X-Factor in Emery & Luelle meaning your kids no doubtingly possess the same big-league potential.

I've actually been meaning to start this for a long time. Do you want to know why I didn't? Simple.....I don't know how to correctly use an ownership apostrophe for "Schultz". And "The Schultz Family Blog" was taken. So I was left with "The Schultz's Blog" or "The Schultzs' Blog". I'm not sure which of those is right and if you have spent more than 4 seconds on the internet you would know there are some SERIOUS grammar police out there! And even if I had the foresight to Google the solution to this dilemma, it would not change the fact the fact that a million people forget the "c" in Schultz. So what if they couldn't find me? I mean, I'm not a narcissist...but I hate the idea that my mom might not be able to see pictures of her grand kids because she forgot the "c" on accident. I had the same problem with my maiden name Gobet. For the's NOT "GoRbet" people!! You can't go around adding random R's to things!

In any case, it finally came to me yesterday to let it go and change the name entirely. So I introduce you to....."Jenny Can't Cook!" Is it just me or does the very first leaf changing orange in September prompt everyone to drop what they are doing and start slow cooking and baking? Guess what? I don't bake either. I mean...I could do it with a gun to my head, but I would be turning over the bag of chocolate chips to double check if it were baking soda and not baking powder. Actually....I would probably go with one of those "just add water" mixes instead :) I'm not inspired by ingredients, I can't whip things up with what I have in my pantry, and I have NO idea how to pair cheese with wine. In fact....I make it a practice just to nod my head when someone says something like "Do you taste the hazelnut undertones in this Sokol Blosser Wine?" Do you want to know what I really taste? Red or white. I can taste if it's red or white....

I'll leave you with some pictures of Emery's very first attempt at roller skating. His cousin Korban had a birthday last weekend and we headed to Oaks Park. That brought back some memories! Mostly of the "couples skate" paranoia every nine year old feels. You know....when you're not ready to hold the hand of the opposite sex but you look ridiculous holding your girlfriend's hand? Snack bar time! Sorry for the blurry pics.....those little guys move fast! And trying the dodge the red-haired 80 year old who still has time for a Saturday spin made getting some good pictures really difficult.

PS...for those of you who expected me to spend some serious time designing my blog: Sorry to disappoint :)