Is anyone reading this legally allowed to write me a prescription for Xanax? I knew I should have been way nicer to those kids studying chemistry in college!! I really did a horrible job anticipating my future networking needs and instead spent countless nights in the business computer lab working hard to earn a "marketing" degree. I mean, what can all my OSU business classmates help me out with now? If I'm lucky maybe one of them got some cushy job as the head of brand development for Red Bull and I might score a free caffeinated drink provided I find them on Facebook and relish in the good ole times where I did their share of group work because I am type A and their writing skills weren't up to par. (side note: Clearly my writing skills are A+ as evidenced by the fact that I never do run on sentences.....ever!) Regardless, I don't need caffeine....I need Xanax! Yesterday! Last Week!
Oh...I hate the news! I try not to live in fear, but someone at KGW is doing a great job because I am trying hard to decide whether buying 20 gallons of water or physically moving my family to Bend is a more effective solution to squashing my reawakened lifelong fear of mega-earthquakes. Am I the only one going through this? Is anyone else sweating bullets that we live in a place where this can truly happen? In all honesty, I've come a long way since last week. Moving to Bend is a mental compromise where I can still be close to my family but earthquakes won't feel as big. Last week I actually wanted to move to Florida or North Dakota which are the two states least likely to have any type of earthquakes. Do you want to know how I know this? Because I am crazy earthquake/tsunami research lady now! It's out of control! For instance, we're supposed to take the kids on a nice little beach vacation after tax season this year. Do you know how I am choosing my destination? I'm selecting it based on which city has an abundance of quickly accessible "high ground" in case a mega-quake creates a tsunami that leaves me only 15 minutes to find a local mountain top! I'm considering writing off the Oregon Coast all together the rest of my life. It's overrated. Not even warm. This, of course, was all going on in my head before I presented my plan to my husband who looked at me like I was crazy before saying, "You realize that there is like a billion percent more chance that we get into a car accident on the way to the beach?" Good point. Driving is overrated too. You know, I've been looking for some motivation to start the "Couch to 5K" program! Escaping an Oregon Coast tsunami may give me a renewed interest in increasing my stamina for long distance running. Always a silver lining, right? In 6 months I'll thank this fear for my stunning new figure!
So anyway, I'm not trying to scare anyone or bring you down to my level. Please understand this fear is coming from someone who volunteers to hold coats while everyone else is going on Splash Mountain because that last vertical drop into the water makes me stomach quiver and cute little animated cartoons singing Disney songs hardly puts my soul at ease. (Side note: If you ever go to Disneyland you might consider taking me as paid staff. I'll watch your strollers too!). And I've actually been in Earthquakes before (practically sitting on the epicenter of that 5.6 in 1993....you Canby folks remember that?!) and it wasn't as horrible as I imagined. I just threw my covers over my head because if anything was going to protect me it was going to be a floral duvet cover! And besides that, the only thing my recent research proved is that Geologists say a 9.0 could hit Oregon/Washington today or it could be another 700 years. Yeah, they got paid Lord knows much to reach that conclusion once again proving that I picked the wrong major in college...
Talk me down people! I can tell I'm overreacting because I made my husband bolt the playroom shelves to the wall! Of course Luke told me he wasn't doing it because of my earthquake fears, but because more likely than that some kid was going to climb it and we would be forced to test the limits of our homeowner's insurance policy regarding accidental injury. Really I think he just knows that bolting those things is easier than listening to me do my "move away from the shelf drills" with the kids on an ongoing basis which yes, I did do!
Speaking of homeowner's insurance, if anyone is looking for a new agent (Life/Home/Auto) my brother in law is featured in this month's Portland Monthly as one of Portland's best Insurance Agents! Way to go Nate!! Congratulations! Here's to hoping I never have to call you to utilize one of my policies :)
Check Out Nate's Website Here!
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Item of the Week
Well today was supposed to change my life, and it didn't. So much for winning the St. Patrick's Day Million Dollar Raffle! Oh well, living mortgage free is overrated, right? It's a good thing I never started packing my bags for that Hawaiin vacation (I had already mentally purchased tickets) that I was going to use to celebrate our good fortune. If you're not sad for me, you should be! I'll have you know that I was going to rent a few houses for my closest friends and hold a huge celebratory party Island Style! Of course my hypothetical party plan kind of ignored the fact that $1,000,000 after taxes might not totally cover the tab of what I deem to be "Island Style." I guess I'll just hold onto our losing ticket so I can claim it as a deduction when I finally do win a jackpot. Did you know you could do that? As if when you win millions of dollars your first concern is going to be digging out and organizing all of your losing lottery tickets so that you can claim a $100 deduction against your winnings. Regardless, I'll hold onto it just in case. It makes me feel like an optimist!
Maybe it's better that I didn't win because I would probably be one of those people who lost touch with reality and went all crazy. My idea of crazy though would be spending $1.99 on a pack of foil star stickers for Emery's potty chart instead of making a special trip to the Dollar Store to save the 99¢ difference. Speaking of the Dollar Store, I went there the other day for this exact reason! I have a love/hate relationship with the Dollar Store. For example, I love that I can buy a gift bag there for $1 instead of the $4.99 that Hallmark charges. I hate that it costs me an extra $4 to buy that bag when I get distracted by giant boxes of Mike & Ike's and Nerds. Another thing I hate is that there are times when I find myself mid-aisle staring off into space contemplating things like:
1. Whose idea was it to have "Item of the Week" and not make that item less than $1? Imagine how much they pay to have those dang posters printed when it's not like some "extreme-couponer" (sidenote: has anyone seen that show??) is going to show up and clear the shelf out for theirhoarding pleasure "stockpile". Not when you can get the very same thing next week for........$1.
2. There may be some good deals there but there are some serious traps too! For instance, I saw another huge poster highlighting the fact that they have H&R Block tax filing software. Imagine the convenience and savings! Except.....it's Federal filing only and just in case you don't keep up on tax software, it's FREE online. All you get for $1 (in this case) is a CD that you can use as a pint glass coaster if you still decorate like it's your junior year in college.
3. Who trains these cashiers? (Part I). Instead of meandering through the whole store I thought to ask someone if they knew if they carry star stickers. I won't deny that the employee was incredibly eager to help me find them. The only problem is that she finally caught up with me 10 minutes later to apologize that they don't stock them as I stood in the middle of their school supply aisle putting two boxes of said stickers in my basket. "Whoa," she said! "You better buy those now in case we don't have them later!" Yeah, because I'm pretty sure the Dollar Store has a monopoly on foil star stickers? "A" for effort on this sales pitch, but I'm not thinking a commissioned sales position is in her future.
4. Who trains these cashiers? (Part 2). Why does it take so long to do the math for change? Lady....I'm a patient person, really I am! But we're working with WHOLE DOLLARS here! I gave you a ten. I bought 3 things. Why do you have a calculator? Why are you using it? I wonder if she applied in Washington but the sales tax tripped her up so she got demoted to Oregon? This state is probably the pit of Dollar Store employees for that very reason....
You know, there are some days when I feel really productive and like I have something to say that some of you might be interested in. And there are days like today when I re-read what I wrote and slowly realize that I shouldn't admit I've given any topic that much thought. At least those employees are working and contributing to society! I, on the other hand, was just killing time writing this while I wait for my Net-Flix to get here. Better go check the mail!
PS...I don't have anything against "extreme couponers" for a family looking to save some money. But if you're hoarding 300 toothbrushes and 30 years of toilet paper just so you can brag that you saved $300 while having to buy a bigger house to store it all in....you have math skills that rival those of my last Dollar Store cashier :)
Maybe it's better that I didn't win because I would probably be one of those people who lost touch with reality and went all crazy. My idea of crazy though would be spending $1.99 on a pack of foil star stickers for Emery's potty chart instead of making a special trip to the Dollar Store to save the 99¢ difference. Speaking of the Dollar Store, I went there the other day for this exact reason! I have a love/hate relationship with the Dollar Store. For example, I love that I can buy a gift bag there for $1 instead of the $4.99 that Hallmark charges. I hate that it costs me an extra $4 to buy that bag when I get distracted by giant boxes of Mike & Ike's and Nerds. Another thing I hate is that there are times when I find myself mid-aisle staring off into space contemplating things like:
1. Whose idea was it to have "Item of the Week" and not make that item less than $1? Imagine how much they pay to have those dang posters printed when it's not like some "extreme-couponer" (sidenote: has anyone seen that show??) is going to show up and clear the shelf out for their
2. There may be some good deals there but there are some serious traps too! For instance, I saw another huge poster highlighting the fact that they have H&R Block tax filing software. Imagine the convenience and savings! Except.....it's Federal filing only and just in case you don't keep up on tax software, it's FREE online. All you get for $1 (in this case) is a CD that you can use as a pint glass coaster if you still decorate like it's your junior year in college.
3. Who trains these cashiers? (Part I). Instead of meandering through the whole store I thought to ask someone if they knew if they carry star stickers. I won't deny that the employee was incredibly eager to help me find them. The only problem is that she finally caught up with me 10 minutes later to apologize that they don't stock them as I stood in the middle of their school supply aisle putting two boxes of said stickers in my basket. "Whoa," she said! "You better buy those now in case we don't have them later!" Yeah, because I'm pretty sure the Dollar Store has a monopoly on foil star stickers? "A" for effort on this sales pitch, but I'm not thinking a commissioned sales position is in her future.
4. Who trains these cashiers? (Part 2). Why does it take so long to do the math for change? Lady....I'm a patient person, really I am! But we're working with WHOLE DOLLARS here! I gave you a ten. I bought 3 things. Why do you have a calculator? Why are you using it? I wonder if she applied in Washington but the sales tax tripped her up so she got demoted to Oregon? This state is probably the pit of Dollar Store employees for that very reason....
You know, there are some days when I feel really productive and like I have something to say that some of you might be interested in. And there are days like today when I re-read what I wrote and slowly realize that I shouldn't admit I've given any topic that much thought. At least those employees are working and contributing to society! I, on the other hand, was just killing time writing this while I wait for my Net-Flix to get here. Better go check the mail!
PS...I don't have anything against "extreme couponers" for a family looking to save some money. But if you're hoarding 300 toothbrushes and 30 years of toilet paper just so you can brag that you saved $300 while having to buy a bigger house to store it all in....you have math skills that rival those of my last Dollar Store cashier :)
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Are Quarters Magnetic?
So yesterday I took the kids to the mall. Isn't it funny how that alone is worthy of a blog entry when there was a time (not long ago) when writing about going to a mall would be the equivalent of writing about the fact that I decided to have lunch on any given day? Regardless, that's where the story starts....at Washington Square Mall.
Now there are a few reasons I don't go to the mall anymore:
1. We don't fit. Have you ever compared the size of a double wide stroller to the size of an average shopping aisle? No wonder my husband was so quick to say yes to my request for a Double Bob! It's the last thing I've ever bought because owning it makes it impossible to shop anywhere including places like Gymboree or Gap Kids where their marketing geniuses have yet to figure out that if they made the stores stroller friendly, they might sell more to (wait for it......) their target consumer! Novel idea huh?
2. I don't have enough quarters. I don't think I've ever lied about the fact that sometimes I'm more about sanity than teaching moral lessons in front of an audience of strangers. For example, if I have to choose between teaching Emery that he can't have everything he wants like the "pay rides" (conveniently located next to the free play area) through his sobbing tears while holding a baby that just threw her bottle at a passer by....guess what? I'll dig for 50¢, revel in the 20 minutes of peace it bought me, and save that lesson for a time when he wants something really dumb like that stupid remote control Bigfoot. Hmmmm.... now that I'm thinking about it, Gap Kids should just hire the people who thought to put the pay rides by the free play area! Those people knew what they were doing! The only way to get quarters out of my pocket faster would be to install industrial strength magnets at the door. (Wait....are quarters magnetic? If not....for the sake of the story, pretend they are.)
3. Subway. Who doesn't love $5 footlongs?? I'll tell you who! The Subway franchise owners at the mall! You know when you see the $5 Footlong commercial and it says really small on the bottom of the screen, "only valid at participating locations." Well guess which Subways don't participate? Yup....the mall ones. I don't know if it's my place to tell them, but being located next to a "hurricane simulator" should be reason enough to shed the superiority complex that is somehow developed by sharing your dining room with a Panda Express. I'll just tell you that I could taste $2 of resentment on my $7 turkey sub.
4. Shopping is a big tease. Forget the fact that 99¢ of every $1 to my name goes to diapers and inflated preschool registration fees and (just for a second) pretend that funds are unlimited. Would that mean I could shop to my heart's content? NOT A CHANCE. I did go into the new H&M just to check out it. However it took me a box of raisins, a bag of grapes, and some freeze dried apples just to get through the first 3 rounders of the clothing equivalent to Ikea furniture. If you really think about it, that's roughly a $5 "snack tax" just to try and save $3 on a shirt. Economics people....economics. This is false savings!! I did buy a few things, but in my haste didn't realize that I had multiple H&M store hangers hiding in the crevices of my stroller canopy until I made it all the way to the parking lot. They'll make a lovely addition to my hall closet until I can rightfully return them when a) I go to the mall again and b) I remember to take them with me. In all honesty, those two conditions are a perfect storm of "never going to happen."
So in a nutshell, if it hadn't been for the grand prize of getting to spend 3 hours with my sister, it would be a trip that I wouldn't have taken. I did notice, however, that Nordstrom now has a complimentary 2 hour babysitting service for ages 3-8. They also have a gigantic sign on the door that says something to the effect of "We won't take your kid to the bathroom so if you think you're dropping them of here fully loaded and it's our problem....think again!" Still, that's a semi-step forward for any store! Now I can enjoy my God-given right to (window) shop for purses that I can't afford in peace!
Other than that, my weekend was great! Besides the fact that it was my own mother's birthday (Happy Birthday Mom!!) It was also my Mother-in-Laws birthday (as noted in a previous blog entry) and there was another surprise event for her. I hope Luke was taking notes because his father planned an all day wine escape complete with an amazing family dinner in wine country. I say it was amazing because this woman raised 5 kids and every one of them could still read the menu after 8 hours of tastings. Although I realize the purpose of the day was to celebrate her birthday, this was the first entire day I have spent kid-free with my husband in a long long loooooong time! Here is a picture of us.....together....without kids. (Thank you "Amber" for holding down the fort at home!)
Now there are a few reasons I don't go to the mall anymore:
1. We don't fit. Have you ever compared the size of a double wide stroller to the size of an average shopping aisle? No wonder my husband was so quick to say yes to my request for a Double Bob! It's the last thing I've ever bought because owning it makes it impossible to shop anywhere including places like Gymboree or Gap Kids where their marketing geniuses have yet to figure out that if they made the stores stroller friendly, they might sell more to (wait for it......) their target consumer! Novel idea huh?
2. I don't have enough quarters. I don't think I've ever lied about the fact that sometimes I'm more about sanity than teaching moral lessons in front of an audience of strangers. For example, if I have to choose between teaching Emery that he can't have everything he wants like the "pay rides" (conveniently located next to the free play area) through his sobbing tears while holding a baby that just threw her bottle at a passer by....guess what? I'll dig for 50¢, revel in the 20 minutes of peace it bought me, and save that lesson for a time when he wants something really dumb like that stupid remote control Bigfoot. Hmmmm.... now that I'm thinking about it, Gap Kids should just hire the people who thought to put the pay rides by the free play area! Those people knew what they were doing! The only way to get quarters out of my pocket faster would be to install industrial strength magnets at the door. (Wait....are quarters magnetic? If not....for the sake of the story, pretend they are.)
3. Subway. Who doesn't love $5 footlongs?? I'll tell you who! The Subway franchise owners at the mall! You know when you see the $5 Footlong commercial and it says really small on the bottom of the screen, "only valid at participating locations." Well guess which Subways don't participate? Yup....the mall ones. I don't know if it's my place to tell them, but being located next to a "hurricane simulator" should be reason enough to shed the superiority complex that is somehow developed by sharing your dining room with a Panda Express. I'll just tell you that I could taste $2 of resentment on my $7 turkey sub.
4. Shopping is a big tease. Forget the fact that 99¢ of every $1 to my name goes to diapers and inflated preschool registration fees and (just for a second) pretend that funds are unlimited. Would that mean I could shop to my heart's content? NOT A CHANCE. I did go into the new H&M just to check out it. However it took me a box of raisins, a bag of grapes, and some freeze dried apples just to get through the first 3 rounders of the clothing equivalent to Ikea furniture. If you really think about it, that's roughly a $5 "snack tax" just to try and save $3 on a shirt. Economics people....economics. This is false savings!! I did buy a few things, but in my haste didn't realize that I had multiple H&M store hangers hiding in the crevices of my stroller canopy until I made it all the way to the parking lot. They'll make a lovely addition to my hall closet until I can rightfully return them when a) I go to the mall again and b) I remember to take them with me. In all honesty, those two conditions are a perfect storm of "never going to happen."
So in a nutshell, if it hadn't been for the grand prize of getting to spend 3 hours with my sister, it would be a trip that I wouldn't have taken. I did notice, however, that Nordstrom now has a complimentary 2 hour babysitting service for ages 3-8. They also have a gigantic sign on the door that says something to the effect of "We won't take your kid to the bathroom so if you think you're dropping them of here fully loaded and it's our problem....think again!" Still, that's a semi-step forward for any store! Now I can enjoy my God-given right to (window) shop for purses that I can't afford in peace!
Other than that, my weekend was great! Besides the fact that it was my own mother's birthday (Happy Birthday Mom!!) It was also my Mother-in-Laws birthday (as noted in a previous blog entry) and there was another surprise event for her. I hope Luke was taking notes because his father planned an all day wine escape complete with an amazing family dinner in wine country. I say it was amazing because this woman raised 5 kids and every one of them could still read the menu after 8 hours of tastings. Although I realize the purpose of the day was to celebrate her birthday, this was the first entire day I have spent kid-free with my husband in a long long loooooong time! Here is a picture of us.....together....without kids. (Thank you "Amber" for holding down the fort at home!)
Cheers to the birthday girl! We love you mama-Stacy!
Small note:
I'm not ignoring my own mothers birthday. She's a little under the weather so we have postponed her birthday celebration. Feel better mom!
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