Vente Triple Shot, Two Pump Sugar Free Vanilla, Nonfat Nonsense...

I think today is one of those days where my brain won't wake up.  Even coffee didn't help!  For those of you who are close to me, I bet you were thrown off by that because everyone knows I don't drink coffee!! For real, I don't.  It hasn't been the easiest thing in the world to resist a habit that brands you a true North-Westerner (along with an active REI membership and "Coexist" bumper sticker on your hybrid coupe) but I have staved it off for years nonetheless.  From a 3 year stint as a Barista in college to enduring countless business meetings in Starbucks, I have never given in to this $5/day drug! 

You hard-core coffee drinkers are an interesting bunch...flashing your "Gold Cards" (and free flavored syrup privileges) almost as though God himself should have sanctioned you to be a part of the interview process for anyone who dares to stand at the helm of your favorite monster espresso machine.  You bicker back and forth about whether Starbucks has gone too corporate or if it's better to be in the Dutch Mafia, and you turn giddy when you get a free birthday drink like you just found $10 in the dryer.  You abbreviate the words "whipped cream" to "whip" (this bothers me so much for no particular reason...you're really not saving that much time.) You speak a nonsense language that would go so far over my head if I hadn't paid off part of my education by enduring collegiate late-night studiers screaming orders at me like their final grade depended on my propensity to get exactly 2 pumps of vanilla in their 110 degree latte. And worst of all, you coffee lovers push your drug on people like myself swearing up and down that the next Pumpkin Latte I try is going to BLOW MY MIND like the 5 I've had before (once a year for the last 5 years) never did.

But no one has ever gotten to me.  My kitchen counter has remained Keurig free and I've never once waited in line to redeem a Starbucks Treat Receipt.  So getting off my high horse.....and onto a confession, I should be honest and sat I actually have a faaaaaaaar worse habit.  It's a little something called "Diet Coke."  I LOVE Diet Coke!  I love it in the morning, I love it in the evening, I love it in a can, I love it in a bottle, I love it in mixed drinks, I love it!!!  If I could pre-write my obituary, I'm sure it would say:  Jenny died happily of aspartame poisoning.  For those of you worried about my health, I drink a lot of water to compensate and do limit myself to a certain amount a day.  But I just can't shake the silver can habit no matter how many times someone tells me that my drink of choice can literally take the rust of a nail or shine up an old penny.  I just shut my ears and scream "lalalalalalalalalalala!"  So, continuing in the spirit of honesty, my husband and I (who has the same horrible habit) have been trying to quit drinking soda for the last 5 years at least once every 3 months.  He usually leads the charge, I always cheat, and we never succeed.

But three weeks ago, for whatever reason, Luke decided to buckle down and get serious about changing his ways.  I didn't notice at first.  But after a few days of some incredibly chipper morning check-in calls, I couldn't figure out why Luke was SO happy.  I mean....did he get his hands on some uppers?  He works at an accounting firm so unless it's "wear a Hawaiian shirt day" I couldn't imagine that anything spectacular was happening at the office. (No offense accountants....it takes all types to make the world go round!)  Then he came clean.  "Jenny, I switched to coffee and it's AWESOME. It tastes like crap (direct quote) but it's AWESOME." So being the ever supportive wife that I am, after he proved his dedication to living Coke-free for two whole weeks, I bought our home it's very first coffee maker. (I'll get him the Keurig if he makes it a year).  So anyway, he's been using it....and I've been staring at it wondering if it really is the key to getting off the brown syrup? 

I hadn't really been motivated to try it until today though and it's only because I had one of those nights. The kind where you wake up to a 3 foot shadow by your bed whispering, "I have to go potty!"  Being the great mom I am I said half-awake, "So go."  

Emery: I already did.
Me: So go back to bed.
Emery: I want to sleep with you.
Me: No, go back to bed.
Emery: I need to change my pants, they're kind of wet.
Me: Did you pee them?
Emery: No! ..................................a little.
Me: Okay, I'll get you some new pajamas.
Emery (After changing): Will you lay with me?
Me: (half asleep) For a few seconds.

So if you're a parent you know how this ends.  I spent all night in bed with my toddler who was clinging onto me like a baby monkey in a grip Houdini himself couldn't escape, on a horribly uncomfortable mattress with cheap pillows, with only a Cars blanket to keep me warm, while the worlds brightest night light rotated ocean fish around the room and left me with what can only be described as the worst night of sleep the universe has ever offered.  If ever there were a time to try that coffee maker....it was this morning!!

So I did!  My final verdict is that I am not sure that coffee is great.  But my mug of creamer and sugar was fantastic! I think some caffeine snuck in there though, because my heart is pounding and I'm not even sure this blog makes sense?!  Forgive me for the time you wasted reading it!

Happy Thursday

Powder Blue, Brass & Glass

I love the Home Depot for 2 very specific reasons:

1. They have those genius carts that look like a car with the double steering wheels that my kids adore! This means I can shop with my children buckled in, and entertained, and not touching things, or asking questions, or begging for candy, or touching each other.  If ever a Peace-Prize could be awarded to an inanimate object, I think this would be our clear winner.  (Are you taking notes Trader Joes?  Love your store....but your cart situation needs some attention!)

2.  It a store of possibility!  It's a place where you can spend hours discussing what your brand new Kelly Ripa inspired kitchen is going to look like when you finally have the time and the money (30 years from now) even when you're just stopping in for some potting soil.  At the Home depot I can imagine all my door knobs matching, that brass and glass foyer light I've always hated gone, and the Bold Look of Kohler.  It's candy for a grown-ups soul, really it is.

So unless you have a really bad understanding of the concept of foreshadowing, I bet you can guess that I went to Home Depot this weekend? Specifically, I went for paint which in itself is a huge deal because as much as I want to shine our little house up, I am just DONE painting.  It's not that our current house doesn't a need a color re-do (what were the previous owners thinking? Was powder blue on clearance?) It's more that our first home before this was one that required "possibility and potential goggles" while signing the closing papers.  We spent the first 3 years of our marriage painting every wall in every room including the exterior until I didn't even need to read the sharpie names on the orange aprons at the paint counter anymore.  They knew us, and we knew them.  And naturally, as you can imagine, once all of my door knobs matched in that house and the last wall was painted.....we decided to move.

So anyway my extreme disdain for powder blue restrooms has been silenced my extreme fatigue of painting and I haven't been to that section of Home Depot for a while. But then this weekend, my husband made one small fatal error.  He decided to deep clean around a faucet. And being the extra prudent fellow that he is, he pulled the faucet off to do it....and I caught him.

Me:  "Hey, since you have that off, I want to run to Home Depot and pick out a new one!" (The old faucet was obviously picked out by the lovers of powder-blue.  I wish I could find them to give it back!  I have no doubt they are eating Pop Rocks while listening to Sinead O'Connor right about now...)

Luke: Well can you get a new towel holder too? I don't like this one and since we're changing things....

Me:  Well if you're going to pull the towel holder off, we should paint too!

And so on and so forth.....

Remember when I said my husband made one fatal mistake this last weekend?  Make that 2.  The second, of course,  being that he sent me to Home Depot by myself thinking I wouldn't meander down a few extra aisles when I was done selecting paint. Speaking of paint,  I love that there is a huge sign on the counter that says, "Men selecting paint colors will need written permission from their wives." I wish I had thought of that!  But I did think of another sign for them.  It goes like this:

"Men sending their wives to Home Depot alone for paint shall not hold us liable when she returns with new chandeliers as well"

Too specific? Not in our case!  So Luke spent the rest of night plumbing, painting, and hanging lights and I spent the rest of the night at happy hour with my dearest friends.  And they say marriage gets hard after 7 years?  Nah!  I say it runs more like a well-oiled machine where my husband understands that his best chance of peace is to send me out and shut himself in a closed bathroom.  He's not a pushover, he's a genius.  And that's why I love him!

Have a great week friends! 

PS....Anyone want a heinous light fixture?  Or should I save it for our community garage sale where inexplicably people will buy anything as long as you act like you're not ready to let it go?