If You're an Elf....

Am I the only one who can't even stop to take a breath in this last week before Christmas? It's exhilarating and exhausting all at the same time. I love it...I hate it.....I love it....I hate it....I love it. Regardless, I need more caffeine! And speaking of caffeine I learned a HUGE lesson this week! Take note: Pepsi Max is NOT the same as Pepsi One!!! I was three cans into my morning last Sunday when I looked at Luke with bloodshot eyes telling him I was pretty confident that I could make lunch, gets the kids dressed, finish my Christmas shopping, write a blog, and complete World 2 on Wii Mario Brothers before noon if I could just get rid of the body shakes that I seemed to have developed.

Luke: "Jenny....what have you been drinking?"

Me: "Pepsi Max! My dad always has it at his house and I like it!"

Luke: "No....your dad has Pepsi One at his house."

Me: "Same thing!"

Luke: "Ummm....it's not the same at all actually. The "max" in Pepsi Max stands for "Maximum Caffeine"

A quick confirmation by Google assured me that my new beverage selection has more caffeine than Mt. Dew and I realized it was going to be a long afternoon! A long afternoon for Luke that it is. Can you imagine having to deal with me shaking high on caffeine for 5 hours with the only thing to look forward to is a mega energy crash where my attitude might just give him an early taste of my menopause years? Poor guy. It just occurred to me in the last few seconds that that is probably why he offered to mow the lawn on a 35 degree day with rain blowing sideways in his face. Now I'm wishing I hadn't revisited that moment. Luke says a lot more with his actions than his words. Wise fellow.

In any case, I don't normally drink 3 cans of soda a day so please save your lectures about how you once got an email saying Diet Coke can make a rusty nail shiny and that Snopes.com actually confirmed it. But I've never been a coffee drinker and my to-do list is a mile long until I'm ready for the main event this Saturday. And I really need some sort of legal drug to get me through the movie "Polar Express" for the 892nd time while I re-wrap all of the presents whose bows somehow made it into LuLu's mouth while I was busy begging Emery to give the movie "Rudolph" a try instead. So if this is the worst of my vices than I'm going to consider that a victory. And in the meantime I'll save my bottle deposits to pay for Emery's therapy when his world someday comes crashing down as he realizes that there is not, in fact, a real Polar Express train that might at any minute show up outside his window. The last part isn't even a joke.....he looks for it a lot. It's sad and sweet all at the same time.

I did have one day off last week where I didn't have anything on the calendar so instead of being smart and laying low, I called my mom (who works downtown) and told her I was bored! "Come meet me for lunch!" she said, an offer which I hesitantly accepted. Now this may not seem like much of a story yet, but imagine if you will, me downtown at Pioneer Place with a stroller-confined infant and a 3 year old (insisting he can walk himself) who has never seen anything more flashy than the Christmas decorations that hang from Target's ceiling over the $1 section. Can you even begin to wrap your mind around how big of a field trip this was for him? I'll spare you all of the details and just tell you that at one point I had to physically pull him out of the Pioneer Place fountain after I turned my back for a split second to check on Lu. It was a proud moment and one of those in which I completely disregard the 700 people shopping around me and screamed with full force, "EMERY GET OUT OF THE FOUNTAIN!" only to realize that shoppers were literally peering over the 2nd and 3rd floor balconies to see who had just lost their nomination for Mother-of-the-Year. It's me people....and don't worry! I lost my chance at that title on January 2nd when I took Emery grocery shopping in his Buzz Lightyear pajamas in the middle of the day because I was too tired to get him dressed and instead took advantage of the fact that he doesn't have any concept of personal pride just yet.

The fountain incident should have been a clue that I was in over my head, but ignoring this obvious red flag I dredged on towards Santa whose gigantic chair was perched in a Winter Wonderland conveniently located right next to the new H&M. Of course instead of Santa we were greeted with a gigantic sign letting us know that the big guy was unavailable because he was visiting sick children at the Hospital. I know it's wrong to be angry about that, but a 3 year who doesn't understand "pride" most definitely won't accept "charity" as a reason for a broken Santa promise on a moment's notice. I needed to think quick and come up with some sort of lesson that both delivered a new Santa while simultaneously reinforcing the concept of selflessness! Interrupting my train of thought, though, was a gigantic elf who told us Santa would be back in 4 hours as he handed us the prices for the portrait packages as some sort of sad attempt to offer a consolation to a clearly upset toddler. Ummmm....2 things wrong with this:

1. If you're and "elf" and you're taller than me....you're not an elf.
2. What am I supposed to do with a price sheet for 4 hours expect mull over how I had student loans for 10 years that I could have paid off by buying a laser printer and hiring some guy with a white beard to pose with kids for $34.95 a pop. ($49.95 if you want a CD)

Fast forward to the good news: It turns out Santa wasn't at the hospital at all! We found him at Macy's across the street a mere 5 minutes later! Just what are the odds of that?!?!?!

Here is my precious little guy posing with a Santa
who doesn't care about sick children:

Where Does Santa Want to Go to College?

Okay, it's been awhile since I've done a blog post and no...it's not because I am fading. There is actually one very specific reason I have not blogged. I'll let you guess why. Motherhood? Nope. Holiday shopping? Nope. Sick Kids? Nope. Working? Nope. I can see you're never going to guess so I'm just going to tell you. It's because of the game "Bejeweled." You know how it's always the small things that creep into your life and grow unnoticed until they become all consuming and keep you up until midnight? That is what this stupid iPod app has become! Bigger than the 100 year rivalry between the Ducks and the Beavers is the quest to have the highest score on Bejeweled in my household! Now by no means is this game new to me. I've been playing it for years at work while I was supposed to be doing something more productive and Facebook was growing old. But I happened to download it into my husbands iPod the other day because I am sick of Yahtzee and needed a new waiting room time waster for all of those Well-Child visits that seem more frequent than Emery telling me he has to go potty. (Actually they are more frequent.....when will this kid understand that he needs to tell me when he has to go????) In any case, Luke somehow shoved his $1,000,000 iPod Blackjack dream aside and decided to give my little game a go. And curse him....he BEATS me every time!! He has now made it is personal goal in life to make sure I have not a single spot on the top 5 scores and he is closing in on complete success. He even caught me Googleing "How to win at Bejeweled" which by the way is a complete waste of time unless you can't figure out that 4 in a row is better than 3 in a row. So anyway...I am in Bejeweled detox now and returning to my blog is baby step 1. My name is Jenny and (this week) I am a Bejeweledaholic...

So when I have not been using the Disney Channel as a babysitter so I can figure out how to get past level 9, I have been spending the rest of my time saying things like this:

• "Emery, stop touching the tree"
• "Emery, Santa saw you do that! Leave your sister alone!"
• "Emery, Christmas trains aren't meant to haul waffles across the living room!"

You get the idea. As you can probably guess we got our Christmas tree this week! I think I need to do myself a favor and just stop building memories in my mind before they actually occur. This is what I thought getting our Christmas tree would be like:

The whole family would be bundled up in our winter coats finishing our last round of, "The 12 Days of Christmas" as we pull into a hidden away snow covered tree farm where every Noble Fir sparkles in perfection! Just as we turn the corner with Emery screaming, "That one! That one!" a stranger would offer to take a family picture of all of us in front of our gorgeous tree that would become my new Facbook profile because everyone was caught smiling perfectly and looking the same direction for once! Then Luke would saw our tree down and pick it up one handed while we follow him to the barn to pay and enjoy some delicious hot chocolate and homemade cookies. Emery would get to see Santa and declare he doesn't need anything and, in fact, wants to donate some of his toys so his parents will stop tripping on them. There would be even more postcard picture opportunities all while some high school kids tie our tree to the car for free because they want to become Eagle Scouts and they are fulfilling their community service requirements.

Here is how it really happened:

"Shoot...am I lost?" Why am I passing 9 tree farms on the way to a tree farm? "Emery....put your coat back on! Is this the right place?" Then we took Emery to see the Santa that looked A-MAZING on the internet but in real life looked more like a high school student who wanted to become an Eagle Scout and and needed to fulfill his community service requirements. Oh well, Emery's only 3 and still fooled pretty easily. Off to find the perfect tree!

Luke: "Jenny...this is going to take forever, I don't want to drag a tree for miles with you following behind me with one kid on your back and another who insists he can do everything BY HIMSELF! Can we just buy a pre-cut one?"

Me: "Sure. Whatever. How about that one" (pointing to literally the closest thing to Santa's barn)

Luke: "Sold. Load her up!"

Emery: "We didn't get a tree!! Are we leaving?"

Me: "Yes we did.....go stand by it and I'll take a picture"

Emery: "That is our tree laying on the ground?"

Me: "Go stand by it so I can get a picture!"

Saleslady: "You guys can take a picture pretending to cut it down if you want...."

Me: "Luke....go kneel by the tree!"

Luke: "I'm not pretending to cut down a tree! We'll do pictures at home Jenny!"

Here are some shots of the Schultz Clan picking out our perfect (pre-cut) Christmas Tree:

"Ho, Ho, Ho little boy! Seniors 2011!"

Santa was a little too busy to decorate the tree next to him? Maybe we could have bought it already in the stand and saved some sweat!

After all of our hard work!

Merry Christmas from our family to yours!

Wasted Time I'll never Get Back...

Wow! I didn't know food was such a heated topic! I mean, I guess I did because I can hardly contain my own eye rolls when the soap boxes start to come out, but it's obvious that all of you have all been put through the same ringer as me and I'm dizzy! Kudos to everyone for having their own beliefs and sticking to them, just quit sharing them with me! Kidding :) I know that I mentioned that I try to buy organic as it becomes more readily available. After reading back what I wrote in a heated moment I should clarify that statement as not to be on my own soap box. I should have said, "I shop organic if I happen to be on that side of the store." Realistically, if I make it all the way over to paper goods toting two kids (one of which insists on walking by himself but gets distracted by every randomly displayed Pez dispenser along the way...thank you Fred Meyer) and I see a pile of Tostitos chips, I have no problem qualifying that as a vegetable to save the long walk back to produce. I'm no saint, I'm in survival mode!

Besides milk, another thing I have always tried to buy organic is baby food. I'll admit that at one point (when Emery was about 6 months old) I too fell victim to a smug attitude when I proudly announced my purchasing habits to a group of fellow moms who all looked at me with their mouths wide open. I knew they would be impressed! "You don't make your own baby food Jenny?" WHAT?? I CAN'T WIN! I don't think I was being asked that because people were questioning my food choices. I think they were just astonished that I hadn't figured out how to use my blender on boiled sweet potatoes. Well guess what? I don't own a blender. For real I don't! Maybe I should have made that a priority 6 years ago when I was toting a laser gun around Macy's feeling slightly entitled and still awkwardly greedy picking out my own wedding presents. I own a Magic Bullet. It's something I convinced my husband we HAD to have after many a late nights watching three giddy strangers drink margaritas while their overly enthusiastic host made guacamole in 3 seconds. I truly thought this might be the key to me hosting my very own Mexican fiesta someday! I'll save you the suspense and tell you that all I got was $50 worth of broken dreams and guacamole that looked more like halved avocados because it actually was just that.....halved avocados. That thing takes 3 seconds like it takes me 3 seconds to get ready for a night out on the town! Actually, it probably does only take me 3 seconds to get ready since I don't have too many people to impress anymore and by "town" I mean Sherwood. Jenny 1. Magic Bullet 0.

By some miracle last week I decided to dust that thing off and give baby food making another try. Really my "miracle" came in the form of a $70/month baby food bill. Those little jars add up! So with the best of intentions I bought 2 sweet potatoes, boiled them, and Magic Bulleted away. I forgot to mention the very important steps where I Googled "how do I make baby food?" and the 20 minutes after where I watched YouTube videos made by women with even more discretionary time than myself. In any case my research paid off because it worked!! I made 6 little Glad containers of sweet potatoes and I was gleaming! So intense was my satisfaction that I started going through my freezer looking for anything I could puree. Peas? Pureed. Carrots? Pureed. I just kept going! I even stopped to consider whether or not you can puree meatballs because those things have been hogging valuable freezer space for too long! (Sidenote: Next person to invite me to a potluck...guess what I'm bringing?) By the time I was done I had a whole freezer shelf full of homemade baby food! I was high on life right up until I went to Costco and came home toting bulk sized staples that all require freezing and, alas, had no more freezer space. Stupid baby food! What am I supposed to do now? Where will I keep my spinach and mozzarella raviolis until I find them in 8 months, wonder if they are good, and throw them out??

I bet you thought this story was going somewhere? Joke is on you! The only thing this story leads to is me telling you that I spent my entire morning reorganizing my fridge and freezer. Exciting stuff huh? So in an (organic) nutshell....you just wasted 5 minutes reading this and I wasted even more time writing it. Happy Wednesday!

Jenny

PS.... I really do want to say thanks to everyone who keeps reading this blog. Really mom...I love you too! I don't pretend to be a writer, just a self published amateur complainer who had enjoyed reconnecting with a lot of people who seem to be in the same boat :) We're all in this together right?

We're All Going to Die!

Feed your kids. Doesn't it sound so simple? Every day I feel blessed that I wake up in a country where food is plentiful and the biggest problem I have is that Safeway doesn't have a drive through! But I'm three years into being responsible for what goes into another human's mouth and I have to tell you....it just keeps getting more confusing. If you're a mom, you know it's more than just trying to make the right decisions for your child's diet. It's also about saving face in front of a million other moms who are each armed with hours upon hours of Google research as to why giving your kid a peanut butter & jelly sandwich is the equivalent to throwing them a Joe Camel themed birthday party complete with cigarette laden goody bags. I seriously can't take it anymore. If I listened to every person around me, this would be a list of what I should NOT be feeding Emery if I have any intention of seeing him make to his 8th grade graduation:

- Milk & all dairy
- Wheat
- Peanuts (and most other nuts too)
- Soy
- Sugar
- Juice
- ANYTHING NON-ORGANIC

And it goes on and on and on and on! If your favorite food isn't on list, one of it's ingredients probably is. And if by some miracle some food meets all of the requirements to stay off the forbidden list, then you are probably doing a huge disservice by actually cooking it (thus eliminating the nutrients) and spoiling all of your well intended efforts to be more aware in the first place.

I say ENOUGH ALREADY! I mean, really...aren't we just playing food roulette? Today's superfood could be tomorrow's carcinogen! And if it isn't, it is still probably packaged in some plastic that will by then be used as a biological warfare weapon. So I am taking a stand! Not against trying my hardest to make good decisions, but against listening to anyone who has a self-given PhD from Wikipedia. Or at least from anyone is concerned about food additives, but is somehow not concerned about the fact that the trendy aluminum thermos they tote their latte around in is also a carcinogen. Add to that list those who dote on the importance of organic greens only to show up at a play date with their kid holding a Happy Meal toy! I'm not going to lie, I do buy a lot of things organic because it's readily available now. But I sure as heck don't try and stop grandma from sneaking Emery fruit snacks which happen to be made with "100% Real Fruit Juice" (which as stated before is on the "don't eat list").

I realize that I am using my blog as a place to vent so if this annoys you then please just skip the rest and come back to my blog when it's more reader friendly. Here we go.....

I do my best to feed Emery what I think is healthy. This may or may not be different than what you feed your kid. My kid may or may not have the same "symptoms" to some crazy illness that your kid has that may or may not be related to whatever your kid eats. I'm aware of pesticides on produce, hormones in milk, and antibiotics in meats that may cause my kid to get cancer at age 40 based on some evidence by some doctor who apparently has the same amount of time to blog as I do with no job. Do you know what else I know? If I don't feed Emery something he is going to die at 4! So lay off world! I'll pretend I didn't know you had a Coscto hot dog for lunch yesterday and you let my kid have a juice box in peace, fair? Also, save your accolades about how your kid loves brussel sprouts for your husband who might actually care. I can assure you that anyone else who is acting interested is either a grandparent or only waiting for their turn to talk about their own kid. So let's just all thank the good Lord we have the means to feed our kids at all and talk about the weather...

I bet a few of you are wondering if I am specifically talking about you? The answer is no. This isn't about anyone in particular and I am sure I'm also an offender as I literally cannot make my hand pick up non-organic milk no matter how desperately my checkbook wants it to. And if I've ever offended anyone talking about that then I'm truly sorry! I'm committing to work on this...

I know some of you probably also think that you have some sage piece of wisdom that supersedes the ignorance of my post. I should probably warn you that I don't really want this to be an open forum and because it's my blog I can say that :)

I love one sided fights! I WIN!!

This picture helped calm me down because I got a little heated writing that :)

10 Things I am Grateful For....

First thing first, sometimes I write this blog wondering if anyone is reading? I don't truly care if people do or not...but I wonder anyway. Then by some miracle I will write something that opens the floodgates and I will get email after email of people commenting on a specific story or asking a question about something I didn't clarify well. I had always hoped those emails would be something like, "Jenny....you have the most ridiculously beautiful kids alive! I think Emery's on the fast track to Harvard!" or "Luke is so lucky to have a wife like you, how do you do it ALL?" But instead they are more like this:

"Sorry I haven't talked to you in 10 months. Tell me again how to save 30% on diapers?"

Love you all too! The only person I didn't get this email from was my cousin Jennifer (yes...our parents named us the same thing...the 80s rocked!) and that is because she avidly uses cloth diapers. This probably means her kids won't be sterile from prolonged exposure and mine will be. But I'm okay with that because it means Emery and Luelle won't end up on MTV's "Teen Mom" in case my intense prayers for purity don't work. I'll just ask Jennifer to skip the next paragraph while I explain the deal to the rest of you who inquired about it.

Okay, to get the deal you have to join Amazon Mom. From there you can shop for Huggies or Pampers to your heart's content. When you find the right size/brand, add it to your cart using the "Subscribe and Save" option. I always set my delivery for the lowest amount far in the future (like 1 unit every 3 months). They will deliver for free in 2-3 days! After that you can use your account to either speed up, slow down, or cancel shipments. It's really more of a hassle to physically change a diaper than it is to update your account. On the off chance you forget about your subscription, Amazon will send you a reminder email asking if you are aware that you are about to receive a shipment. If you don't want it....simply press cancel! Presto...$$$ saved! If you also receive "Parent's Magazine" you should be aware that each December issue will have a unique one time use code for an additional 20% off. This can be stacked with the 30% giving you 50% off a case of diapers! Now go get a pedicure on me :)

Other than that....it's been a hectic week! My "at home" freelance job is either feast or famine and this week I have been beyond busy designing last minute Black Friday ads. Some great deals out there! If you couldn't already guess, I LOVE BLACK FRIDAY! I felt more of an adrenaline rush the very first time I stood in line getting Emery a $200 Power Wheel for $99 than I ever did drinking Boone's Farm wine at 18. Kidding mom! I didn't drink at 18....I was 17. In any case, mom, your worrying days are over because of the last 100 glasses of wine I've poured or bottles of beer I've opened, I've taken a grand total of maybe 25 sips. And even then I have to take 2 Advil for the headache. FYI, I just wrote that joke for effect...I was a pretty good kid in high school! College? Well let's just say Luelle won't be going to college...kidding again! This is too easy! (But really she isn't going) Wow....tangent! Sorry folks....

I was going to write about Black Friday but that would skip the VERY IMPORTANT holiday of Thanksgiving and I will not dishonor my favorite Thursday of the year in favor of honoring consumerism. So I present.....

10 Things I Am Grateful For:

1. We'll start with the obvious - My kids & husband. I never thought life would be this good! Crazy? Yes! Stressful? At times! Hilarious? Always! It's perfectly imperfect, I am so blessed!

2. My parents. My mom is road map to what I know I am becoming (I just need to get a big picture of Jesus before the kids figure out the benefits of lying) and my dad can still fix anything. In all fairness Luke can fix most everything too, but my dad will throw in a steak dinner and some spare parts! It's a better deal than Amazon!

3. The show "The Lottery Destroyed my Life." Now I don't feel like I'm missing much when my numbers don't come up.

4. My elliptical. I use it every day! (to dry clothes....)

5. Computers. I don't want to put too much an emphasis on material things, but without them I might never be able to see my nephew's pictures from Florida and you might not ever be able to tell 250 people on Facebook that it snowed last night in case the view from every window in their house is blocked.

6. Papa Murphey's coupons. $12.99 for a pizza I have to bake myself? No way! $6.99? That's more like it! Did you know you can ask them to make your pizza with thick crust for no extra charge? (Source credit: my sister Tammi). Let's face it....the "low carb" trend took the fun out of eating!

7. Elementary school friends. "Amber" corrected me the other day when I told her I couldn't believe we had been friends for 20 years! She politely said, "25 Jenny." Wow! From bottles to Botox....I still have about 10 amazing friends who I have had the pleasure of sharing recess with during my earlier life. (And no...we haven't had Botox. I'm just anticipating for the future!)

8. Net-flix. I don't care about the $1 increase, I was able to catch up on 2 whole seasons of Grey's Anatomy in less than a week to be ready for Season 7! Up until then I was still telling people that George was my favorite character and I didn't understand why I was getting weird looks....

9. Simple surprises. My doorbell just rang and I was totally annoyed that it might wake my napping kids up. I started to get angry when I heard children on the other side and didn't even have the courtesy to open the door. Well I just went to see if they left me a flier and they didn't. They left me cookies and a "Happy Thanksgiving" note. Ouch! Schooled by 7 year olds.....

10. The opportunity to write about things I am grateful for! Isn't America great? Let's always remember the people who keep it that way and the sacrifices they make so that we can speak freely about our opinions no matter what they may be!

Happy Thanksgiving from my little family to yours!

Jesus Likes Trains, Right?

Operation "Remind Emery What Christmas is Really About" is now in full effect! The good news is that in the last 24 hours we have made significant progress and his attention has been diverted away from the $90 Robotic Bigfoot. Prayer works people! The bad news is that it has been replaced with the "Fisher Price Disney-Pixar Toy Story 3 Geotrax Exploding Bridge Remote Control Train Set." The best thing is that he actually asked for it using that EXACT description! And people question whether or not advertising works? After that little quip, the remainder of our conversation went a little something like this:

Me: "Emery.....we talked about this. Can you tell me what Christmas is about?"
Emery: "Trains"
Me: "Try again. What is it about?"
Emery: "Jesus"
Me: "That's right!! And why is Christmas an important day for Jesus?"
Emery: "Because he likes trains?"

Sigh....

On the brighter side, I did get a phone call this morning from Frontier headquarters confirming that all charges have been removed! I'm feeling like since I made such a big deal about a company that was awful, I should make an equally big deal about a company that is awesome! And that company is.....Amazon.com!

I just won the mom-lottery and Amazon wrote my over-sized check which actually looked a lot more like a 3 month supply of Pampers diapers. No joke! Sure, most of you probably aren't interested in my winnings, but for those of you who are straddled with $40 a month diaper bill like I am, I couldn't be happier than my crazy uncle who is celebrating McRib's return! Amazon double shipped my diaper order so I now have 408 diapers sitting in my living room for the bargain price of $28! And before you go judging me, yes...I did call them to own up to the mistake which was actually the result of UPS losing the initial shipment. Amazon told me to keep them as a gift! Thank you very much Amazon...I will!

I know some people are pro small business and truthfully, I usually am too since I am a freelance designer and I'm strapped with paying the government twice the employment taxes that anyone working for the man has to. But Amazon delivers them....to my door.....during nap time.....for cheap. It's awesome. If you buy disposable diapers and you don't use their 30% off subscribe-and-save service....then you're giving money away my friend and I want to know where the line is! I'm one of those annoying types that works every angle to keep as much money in my pocket as possible when it comes to everyday purchases. I'm not cheap like someone who itemizes a dinner bill because my appetizer was $1 less than yours, but I'll spend a good 20 minutes googling a "promo code" for an online purchase if I don't have one on-hand. It's not about the money saved....it's a game, and I want to win! I even go so far as to filter my purchases through credit cards to rack up rewards up on a corporate dime, take that Citibank! And for those of you worried that I am racking up interest in the meantime, I learned the credit card lesson in college when I spent my Senior year paying off my Junior year's wardrobe. I fully understand it's real money and the day they see $1 in interest from me is the day I'm choosing between food or starvation for my kids in which case I would say, "Charge it...and I'll take this flat-screen too!"

In honor of my frugality, I thought I would share some of my favorite money saving sites with you:

1. Amazon Subscribe and Save for Diapers: This makes buying diapers at Costco seem like you are buying them at 7-11 and willing to pay anything as long as you can pick up a Slurpee (or $1.50 hot dog) at the same time. 30% off of all diapers with free delivery! Can't beat that!

2. Slickdeals.net: The people who update this are professional bargain hunters! Did you know you could get 2 free tacos at Jack in the Box after 2 PM yesterday? Neither did I until right now. I'm not a fan.....but if you and I both had a taco emergency, I would be $2 richer.

4. Retailmenot.com: Remember how I said earlier that I will Google a promotion code? Well that was back in my amateur days! Now I use retailmenot.com! It's the largest collection of current promotion codes you can find online and the sole reason why Redbox has never received even $1 of my hard earned money although I have enjoyed numerous rentals of theirs! That's what they get for putting Hollywood Video out of business....I miss those neon purple mountains! Here's a tip: use the code "breakroom" and your next rental is free!

5. The Thanksgiving Letter: This actually has nothing to do at all with being frugal, but it's the funniest thing I've read all week and it will help you to procrastinate another 10 minutes or so....

Have a great afternoon!

Jesus would love this!

The True Spirit of Christmas

6 years of marriage down....4 more to go and I can beg for a diamond upgrade without looking greedy! Totally joking :) My husband actually did a great job the first time around. (Luke...if you're reading this, I wouldn't turn it down although I don't technically need it. But you don't technically need a sports car someday either.) I realize there is no way to write that joke without some people taking it seriously, so if you don't know me well enough to know that I am kidding, rest assured that I am fully aware that a ring does not make a marriage. Save your lectures....I buy clothes at Target! I'm hardly pretentious unless you happen to think that Hondas are a sweet ride. In that case....yeah, I live the good life! Rolling with my "real time 4 wheel drive" which is actually useless because I am scared to death of driving in the snow and I'm not 4 wheeling around the subdivision culdesacs either. I think that's against HOA regulations and I promised that judge I wouldn't be breaking any more rules.

We didn't end up going to The Outback for dinner as originally planned. Luke thoughtfully made a huge lunch earlier in the day and by the time my mom was halfway over to babysit I looked at him and said, "I'm not hungry." He wasn't either. Movie? As I've stated in previous blogs....Luke and I don't agree on movies and I thought it might be nice to have an evening where we actually enjoy each other's company in an effort to remember why we started this crazy ride in the first place. We had to go somewhere though or how else was my mom going to sneak Emery all of those fruit snacks she keeps in her purse that she thinks I don't know about? We settled on happy hour at Portland City Grill mostly because that place in no way reminds me of children and this was an adults-only evening. I've never changed a diaper there and they don't have a kid's menu....perfect! We even scored a booth right away! We sat down preparing for an evening of conversation catching up on everything we don't get to say to each other when Emery is showing us his train collection for the 873th time demanding "missile lock" parental attention like he is going to tell us something we don't already know about Thomas the Blue Engine. But as fate would have it, we didn't end up doing much talking because we both set eyes on a rare form of social interaction across the bar...a first date.

I don't know how these two kids met, but I'm guessing it was something like an accounting convention (no offense Luke) or maybe Toastmasters. No, it couldn't have been Toastmasters. She wouldn't even make eye contact until after two White Russians when she finally bit the big bullet and actually looked at her date! I bet he was beginning to think that hour he spent contemplating whether or not to pop his collar was never going to pay off. Oh...an accidental arm graze! Finally....this was getting good! Not as good as traffic court, but WAY better than a movie! We were just about to order another round of drinks in anticipation of watching the rest of the night play out when a single man (no doubtingly looking for lady love before appetizers went back to full price) sat right in the middle of our view. Cancel the drinks....this dates over! We're not spending $20 on overpriced cocktails to stare at the back of a sportscoat all night. Hmmm...where next?

Now I'm not sure how we decided to go to the next place, but it was a HUGE mistake! Since this is the first year I can't do the Christmas shopping in front of Emery, I thought we could make a quick trip to Toys R' Us and get on the same page as to what we were thinking Santa might bring this year. I REALLY miss the good ole days of "distract and confuse" where I could slip all of Emery's presents into the bottom of the cart in the same shopping trip as a weekly milk run. The Toys R' Us trip wasn't too bad in itself until I made one fatal error. I took home the "Big Book of Toys" catalog...

Needless to say we now have a 3 year old who has dang near circled everything in that catalog that he doesn't deem a "girl toy." At the very top of his list is a $90 remote controlled Bigfoot robot that annoys me even behind the plastic walls of a Target demo setup! I'm no fool. That thing would end up right next to our robotic "Tickle me Elmo" that only sees the light of day when Emery opens his toy box looking for his conductor hat. The chance of Santa bringing it into our home as a permanent fixture is slim to none....poor kid! So now I have a month to convince him that he actually wants another fire truck or some more trains. I started this dubious task by helping him write his very first Christmas list! Don't worry....it was after a long lecture about how Christmas isn't about receiving, it's to celebrate Jesus's birth etc etc etc. I thought we had a nice list of less expensive (but more imaginative) toys all written out when I had him sign the bottom. Just before bedtime though, Luke asked him if he wanted to put the letter at the foot of his bed for the elves to pick up and deliver to Santa? "No daddy....I have lots more to add later. Good night"

Time to revisit that lecture.....this is only year 3???

For real??